Gettysburg Battlefield in Autumn: Part 1-Fog

I have become rather fascinated with images from the Gettysburg Battlefield.  I went there last winter on a whim never having been there at any time of year other that summer and not in over a decade.  I was captivated by the profound sense of sadness and stillness of this place.  I have never personally seen any sort of ghost or spectral image there but I can tell you without a doubt that it is in fact haunted.  But not in any sort of evil or mischievous way; in a very somber and sobering way.  It is a place of aching beauty and remembrance.

I have promised myself that I will make the drive down (it takes only about an hour from my house) more often and in different seasons. (This past Spring is here and last Winter is here.) So, recently, I drove down early enough in the morning to get there before sunrise on an Autumn day that hopefully would give me some fog.  So, since the fog was my primary goal for this photo shoot I will start with those images.  Many themes emerged that day, and subsequent posts will address them.  For today, however, I hope you find these images as moving as I did when I made them.

And, as a final note as this is being published on Veterans Day.  A simple and heart-felt thank you to all of the individuals, their families, and their loved ones, who have ever served their country.

Perspective

I have a list of blog post ideas a mile long. This is the newest so it's getting here first because it is freshest in my mind I suppose.

Yesterday I drove down to the Gettysburg Battlefield. If you are familiar with this blog you will remember my trips (and resulting photos) from last winter and this past spring. Prior to last winter I hadn't been there in over a decade. I now plan to continue going back a few times a year. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite places to be.

I used my trusty bb (blackberry) as well as my Canon as usual. The bb has three focal lengths and I have two lenses (both of which are zoom lenses) for the 'real' camera. That said, I realised (remembered is more like it) yesterday that just because I have multiple focal lengths to chose from doesn't mean I can stand still if I want a good shot.

Perspective is everything. In photography. In life.

What do I mean by that? Perspective is how you see something, your take on life. It's the glass half full/half empty question. It's your angle on a story, the slant of an article, the "spin" of the politician you love/loathe most.

As many people as there are in existence or who ever existed or ever will is how many different ways there are of seeing the same thing. In photography the focal length of the lens is one tool a photographer can use to create their image; how close or far away they chose to be. But that can only do so much. The photographer has to MOVE.

I am paying for that movement today. I reinjured myself walking on uneven ground, climbing over some rocks, and getting up and down all day. But it's a price I pay gladly. I can not imagine taking all of my photos from normal standing/walking height. How boring!

One of the biggest mistakes that amateur photographers make is not exploring every possible angle in looking at a subject. People often make the same mistake in life. We want things quickly. We want things to be easy. We want to be right. So we make decisions and formulate opinions often without considering all the possible parts of issues and then we hold tightly to these beliefs even in the face of logic.

As photographers and artists, people need to remember to get uncomfortable. Move! Don't be afraid that you will look like an idiot laying on the ground to form an image the way you think it should be formed. The same holds true when you form an opinion. Don't be afraid to question the status quo. You don't have to accept it just because someone else believes it. Form your opinions as carefully as an artist forms an image. Get uncomfortable. Challenge yourself to see things from different perspectives, different points of view.

The Power of Friendship (or how to become an enabler)

Tuesday was kicking my ass.  To the curb.  I was running out of ways to look on the bright side and cope.  Crawling back in bed would have been my last ditch effort to save my sanity.  As it was, I was about to concede today and make a sacrificial offering of Wednesday in exchange for an okay Thursday and a kick ass Friday.  Then, my friend Helen Madden, AKA @Cynical_Woman, came to my rescue.

Helen is, among many other things, a cartoonist and author (mostly erotica).  She did this... (go see now, I'll wait.  It is SO worth it!!)  I laughed so hard I nearly...well, I laughed a lot. I'm still chuckling. 

I'm laughing for a couple of reasons.  First, obviously, because the strip she drew is funny.  More so when you know that knitters really do say stuff like that to each other (at least the funny ones I know do).  Sure, they're not all as funny or as open as Helen but they're definitely not the conservative, up-tight old ladies many seen to think of when they hear the word 'knitter'.  I'm also laughing because I didn't realize that Helen had become addicted to knitting. 

When you have a hobby, or a sport you participate in, or whatever it is that you enjoy doing you want to do it as often as possible.  That only makes sense.  I've known people who get addicted to all sorts of things; playing golf, cooking, watching sports, model train building, you name it. Knitting is rather unique in that you can do it just about anywhere for any length of time.  You don't need lots of equipment or a special place to knit.  A finished item is likely to have thousands of stitches. But there is no rule saying you have to do a certain number of stitches at a time.  Every stitch made is a stitch closer to completion. So, while annoying, if you pull out your knitting and only get one lonely stitch made there is no harm or foul.  

Sock knitting has become extremely popular for a multitude of reasons; one of the biggest being that it is so portable. I don't care how big your foot is, keeping a sock-in-progress with you at all times is nothing like dragging around a sweater project.  I knit everywhere: at sporting events, while watching TV, waiting for a Dr's appointment, in line at the grocery store, at traffic lights (no, not while driving...not really...).

As someone who creates hand painted sock yarn I'm thrilled to know that the ranks of knitters has increased by one.  I am a knitting enabler and proud of it!  We are taking over the world one knitter at a time.  I have just one question to ask of the lovely Cynical Woman now: 

So, Helen, tell me....what's your favorite color?

Mwahahahaha

How Do I Put This Stuff on a Resume?

I've finally started to face the fact that I need to put some serious effort into looking for a job.  This half-hearted approach isn't gonna cut it any longer.  There are some hard truths I must face in regards to my employment. At some point in the relatively near future (the next 12 months or so) I will need to find a new place to live.  I will also need my own health insurance.  I won't be able to have either of those things without a reliable income source.  I am also planning on at the very least sharing custody of our kids with my husband.  Again, a reliable income source and a place to live are rather important factors when it comes to custody issues.

I've been working on my resume.  Boy, that's a fun chore.  And looking at things on websites.  Everyone wants things categorized.  The big question is in what industry do you want to work.  Or, what is your specialty?  Well, as many of you should be able to guess by now, I am not an easily definable person.

Here are the things I think a potential employer should want to know about me (who I am, what I believe, and what I enjoy):

I am...

an introvert by nature

very extroverted with people I know

a team player

a people person

a problem solver

a "Why?" and a "What if?" kind of person

a quick learner (I make it a point to learn something every day)

a creative person

a thinker

a writer

an idea person

a leader

a follower

flexible

I believe in...

kindness and courtesy

treating people with respect

speaking plainly

truth and honesty

fairness

being positive

loyalty

balance

I enjoy...

working hard 

playing hard

a challenge

making goals

making mistakes

learning from mistakes

I am not looking for a career. So, I will not view my job as simply a stepping stone to something bigger and better. I am probably best suited for customer service but my skills are general and broad, my attitude good, and my willingness to learn high.  In fact, I probably need to be learning new things to stay happy.  At my last job I was cross trained to do every job possible.  I thrive on learning new things.  So, I'm not really sure how to go about looking for the job that this covers.  I could probably be happy doing almost anything.

So, if you happen to know of an opening for someone with general skills, the desire to help people or solve problems, a good attitude and pleasant demeanor, and a need to be constantly learning new things; could you give me a yell and/or put in a good word?  Thanks, I appreciate it.

My Friends' Writing

I watch the movie

play

in my mind

as I write

the words.

Words and thoughts

tumbling

swirling

who says

they have to make sense.

Brain matter

fecal matter

blood, guts, and gore

Geesh! The things my friends write

I love them in spite of it

Every once in a while

I find myself getting sucked in

their words crafted so artfully

the build-up so slow and delicious

FUCK!

The Unfocused Mind

When I write poetry I usually stick to two forms, haiku and gogyohka.  I also usually stick to one central idea or theme.  It may be in the form of a single word (like "lust" for example) or something I can't get off my mind (like an argument with a friend).  So, most of the time I am focusing intently on that one central idea.  I write until I can't any more; until it feels like I've made my point or have exhausted the topic for that day.  I average five to seven of these little poems on a theme.  I then group them together, format, and post them.

Haiku or senryu is what I do most often.  I've only recently started doing the less constrained gogyohka.  For whatever reason, yesterday I was in the mood for these sweet little relatively free form poems.  The only real requirements is that is is just five lines (usually short) and that it expresses a single thought.  There is also usually, but not required, a breathing line where one of the five lines is just a word or two and you would naturally take a breath or break here.

Without any particular idea in mind I simply wrote.  As thoughts hit me I pondered and wrote.   So, there were some natural groupings of three or four where the first little poem wasn't enough to get the thought out of my head.  I moved on to the next theme as soon as the ideas came.  There were times when my mind returned back to an earlier idea but from a different angle.  All in all it was very freeing to just let the words flow.  I've sifted through them all and arranged them into a number of different posts.  

I will definitely keep this lesson of the unfocused mind in mind from now on as I write.  It's great to be able to focus on a particular topic but I wonder what I was missing before when I clamped my brain onto that one idea and refused to consider other things?

Guest Post: Philippa Ballantine with Tips on Getting Started Podcasting

When I was a young podcaster….

…we lived in a discarded microphone box, and recorded using a contraption of cans and string.

Yep, things were different back at the beginning of 2006, and it seems really hard to believe that it’s been over four years. Back then, Podcasting for Dummies had only just come out, and I still had very little idea what I was doing—but I knew I liked it.

Along the way there have been microphones developing weird buzzes, new programs to master, hundreds and hundreds of hours spent splicing audio together, and maybe more than a little bit of swearing at computers. But there has also been connection with people all over the world, friends made, and yes… even an award for podcasting. It’s been a blast.

So, when Susan asked me to put together some tips for new podcasters, it was like jumping in the TARDIS and heading into the time when I first started.

But here we go

• Find the best place in your house to record—and by that I mean the quietest. It is always easiest to have a quiet environment rather than spend hours futzing around trying to take out sound.

• There is a good reason that many podcasters record in their closest—all those clothes add as a baffle. If you’re like me and have a tiny wardrobe, then the other thing you can do is hang a comforter on the wall in front of your mic to do just the same thing.

• Slow down. This is the ultimate newly hatched podcaster mistake. You’re uncomfortable with the sound of your voice, you just want to get the recoding done, and so… even if you think you are speaking slowly, most likely you are not. Relax. Take a breath. Imagine you are talking to your friend, not into a mic.

• And speaking of best friends—buy the best microphone you can afford at the right time. If you are just starting out and don’t know if you are going to keep podcasting, then don’t splurge on an expensive mic. (I’ve upgraded my mics three times) The exception to this is if you are doing a podcast novel—you can lose listeners with sub-par sound—so in that case start as you mean to go on. Buy the best you can afford. (I use a Rode Podcaster mic- USB mics are generally not that good. But this and the SnowBall are pretty good)

• To make up for spending money on hardware, the software is free! Yep, after four years I am still using GarageBand on my Mac. For those PC inclined Audacity is also free.

• Get yourself one of those clickers they use to train dogs. When you make a flub or trip over your own tongue, do a double click, wait a beat, and continue on. Those spikes in your audio will be super easy to find when you come around to editing.

• If you are going full-cast for an audio production, triple the amount of time you would have used for a straight read. It can be worth it, but be realistic.

• If you are doing a podcast novel then do give yourself a buffer of episodes in the can before you start releasing. I’ve had a buffer and I’ve not had a buffer. Believe me, having one is better!

• Finally podcasting has a wonderful community—make the most of it by networking. You’ll not only get support, but also some people to play your promos, and maybe supply voicework. Get in there and don’t be afraid to talk to these folks—they are generous individuals. Use Twitter and Facebook and other forms of social media to enhance your podcasting reach.

Podcasting has enriched my life in so many ways. It’s why, despite some bumps on the road I keep doing it.

Philippa Ballantine is a fantasy writer hailing from Wellington, New Zealand. In the coming year she will have three books hitting the real and virtual shelves. The first of which a supernatural fantasy, Geist that will available in late October 2010—just in time for Halloween. Find out more at booksoftheorder.com and pjballantine.com

To Podcast or Not to Podcast

Most of my friends are artists of one sort or another. A bunch of them are fiber artists: knitters, crocheters, spinners.  Some are visual artists: photographers, painters, graphic designers.  And then there are the writers and podcasters.  I lump writers and podcasters together because for the most part the podcasters are also writers.

Most of the podcasters have at one time or another inquired as to when I will be joining their ranks.  I'm not sure if they do this to every non-podcasting person they stumble upon or if I just look like a joiner in some way.  Come to think of it, I saw people spinning and thought it was cool.  Now, I spin too.  I saw my writing friends producing some really cool stories.  Now, I write too.  I've listened to podcasts from many of my friends, watched them record, even watched some editing and thought it looked complicated but cool.  Now, I'm on the fence deciding if I and when I get off the fence, do I jump down into their camp or run screaming into the night...

A friend of mine, Nobilis Reed, has decided to give me a nudge in the direction of podcasting.  He will be going on hiatus during the month of November and has asked me to write a short story and podcast it on his feed.  I am almost done with the writing.  It is taking me forever. Mainly because I have no discipline whatsoever in general but especially when it comes to writing.

I did take a first little tottering step toward the podcasting camp...I bought myself a really cool (and highly rated) microphone for my birthday last month.  Allow me to introduce you to my uber-sexy "Snowball" mic from the Blue Microphone Co.

Now I suppose I should plug the darn thing in and figure out how to use it...

Then comes the really fun part, learning how to do the editing.  *SIGH*

In the meantime, I have asked the insanely amazing voice actress, talented author, and award-winning podcaster Philippa Ballantine if she would be so kind as to do a guest post and give wannabe podcasters such as myself some advice. Her newest book, Geist, will be coming out October 26th but you can pre-order your copy now.

So, please come back tomorrow for her post...

5 Stars

Many of my friends are writers. Some of them trust me enough to let me read their work fresh from the oven. There is nothing better than a fresh-baked story all warm and gooey in the middle. I prefer mine with a nice malty beer or as their corruption of me continues unabated, a bit of scotch on the rocks.

In the past week or so three of them have handed me things that made me want to run screaming. Not because they were awful. Rather because I was full of awe when I finished each.

The problem with these works (2 short stories and 1 novella) is that I can't tell you about them. I can't tell you to go buy them at any price. I can't forward them to everyone I know and say, "Whatever else you were doing just now, Stop! You have GOT to read this. Now!". I can't buy them as holiday presents for my best friends.

It isn't like I've got one really talented friend churning out all of this great stuff while the rest of my writer friends are sucking eggs, incapable of writing a decent fortune cookie let alone putting out a few thousand words coherently. I think that might be a little easier to deal with. No, this is three different people all saying, "Here ya go" and handing me a ticking time bomb.

Pardon my language, but the only response I seemed able to generate when I read these was, "Fuck! Yes!" They were THAT good. So I've decided that if I ever start doing critiques or reviews of things my top rating will be if something is FuckYesable. I'll have to figure out what my other ratings should be. Hmmm.

Oh, and as to the authors in question? Check out these sites for other things that they have already published. Not that I'm naming names or anything.

Keith Dugger
Jason Warden
Paul Cooley

You can follow these guys individually on twitter at @KeithDugger @ShadowCastAudio @paul_e_cooley and @theFiendMaster or you can follow them and the rest of the authors I know at @BrightEyedDyer/TAO .
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Tia, we'll miss you.

@TiaLBrink.  We'll miss you.

Why? The brightest shining lights

full of love and joy and hope

always first to go? 

Grief, the pain of loss

settles over all of us

a heavy blanket.

Teardrops raining down

souls in pain crying out to

the one who has left.

Don't go, we need you!

family, friends, and your child

all lost without you.

She would want laughter

recounting happier tales

even you Cooley.

We must remember

to hold each other gently

and say, "I love you".

For we never know

when a last day is dawning

or the end is near.

So I say goodbye

to a very special soul

we'll miss you Tia

The Harlot

It's 05:40 on a Sunday morning. I've been awake since around 3:00. Insomnia is my friend. Well, not really but if I call it my nemesis it doesn't change the fact that I almost never sleep well and only makes me angrier about it. And what good is that? At this point I am simply glad for the 3 hours of sleep I did manage before I woke.

When I wake at odd hours I do try to just roll over and go back to sleep. I swear I do. When that doesn't work, and it rarely does, I then pick up my trusty Blackberry and see if any of my best friends whom I chat with are awake as well. This is the one time where a big time difference actually comes in handy. Sadly, no luck today.

Next up is checking Twitter. And, even though I have friends there from all over the globe and just about very time zone again, no luck today.

At this point I try to roll over and go back to sleep again. However, between a peeling sunburn and a series of mosquito or spider bites I am also suffering from my worst case of itchy-back in years. As if the insomnia isn't enough on its own. By the way, keeping a double pointed knitting needle by your bedside is a huge help when trying to scratch that spot you can never reach on your own in the middle of the night.

So, I go back to the Blackberry and open the browser. I tend to forget that this cute little "smart phone" is really a full computer (practically anyway). There in the bookmarks is "Yarn Harlot" the blog of Stephanie Pearl McPhee.

When I first taught myself how to knit I read every post on Steph's blog. It was in reading the Yarn Harlot that I learned to be fearless. In all things knitting and fiber related. I learned about knitting socks. And lace. I learned about spinning. And indie dyers. I learned lots of ways people can screw up their knitting. And, lots of ways to fix the screwups.

The Yarn Harlot gave me the courage to try lots of new things. Because, if the new thing didn't work out well, so what? It's just sticks and string. That newfound courage with yarn and knitting gave me courage in other areas of my life. The courage to start a blog (this blog in fact). Courage to try dyeing my own yarn. Courage to get to know and appreciate women. And most importantly, the courage to find out who I am and be myself.

Well, with all those new and wonderful things going on in my life I got away from reading Steph's posts. This morning I started working my way back through her recent posts. In doing so, I remember what I love about her and her blog; this woman can really write! And she is an amazing knitter in both quality of her work, and the speed at which she produces it. I don't know how she manages to knit, spin, put together classes and events, write her hysterically funny books, have a life and family and friends, and put it all out there for the world to read about with such amazing style.

For the first time in a long time I won't mind being so tired today. Were it not for this blasted insomnia I wouldn't have rediscovered the Yarn Harlot and her wonderful way with words or more importantly, her amazing way of living life to the fullest and doing those things which bring you the greatest joy. Thanks for everything you do Steph for knitters, for women, and for humanity.

When I grow up I want to be just like her.

Patience and Trust

Time pulling me

away from you

oh that it were miles

bringing me

closer instead.

A slow turning fan

stirs a cool breeze

fluttering the sheet

caressing my skin

and I think of you.

Dark days

of blue and black

soul bruises

Memphis music

no turning back.

When the pain is too much

I pull inside

my little shell

where it is only me

and I am safe.

I am learning to trust

you pull me to your chest

your loving arms my shelter

a greater peace here

with two instead of one

Patience

is a virtue

just not

one of mine

unfortunately.

Learning

patience and trust

takes

patience and trust

*sigh*

What do I do?

What do I do when I know I've made the right choice but it hurts so much to stand up for myself that I wish I hadn't? What does it say about me that I'm wishing I could go back in time and choose a dysfunctional relationship over a happy future? The pain is that great right now.

What do I do when I say I want my kids to come first and my spouse agrees but then threatens my life in a screaming rage in front of the kids? How do I trust him again to do the right thing if he lets his pain and his fragile ego be more important than the emotional well being of our boys? I understand he's hurt.

What do I do when I'm trying my damnedest to be a calm, rational, kind and fair person and all he seems to care about is his own ego and money? I don't have any intention of screwing him financially but why does he think I would want to or worse think I would let him do that to me? I've already stood up for myself, I'm not about to back down now.

What do I do when I tell him that he is a good man with good qualities and a good father and in return he tears me apart telling me that I've been nothing but selfish, a terrible partner, and a terrible mother (in front of my children)? I talk of being fair and that's what I get.

I've hurt him terribly. I understand that. I have apologised profusely for that. That was never my intention. He wants to hurt me in return. I understand that too. And he's starting to do a pretty good job of it. I have no doubt that he's just getting warmed up and that I can expect plenty more. But what he fails to understand is his own hypocrisy. He agreed to make the children the most important thing through this and as soon as his ego was bruised again that agreement went right out the window. I stood by my word.

I didn't just gain enough strength to stand up for myself once. I gained enough strength and continue to build strength to stand up for myself and my kids from now on.

I will continue to say that he is a good man because he is. But I have a new truth to add to that and that is that he is a weak man. He has proved that by putting his children behind his own ego and by worrying about money before his childrens' emotional well being.

He complains that I have pulled back from my family and been distant. Yet these last few weeks when his kids have needed him more than ever he has been so consumed by his own pain that he has barely been able to function at all let alone be there for them.

So he can sling all the arrows and mud he wants. I will continue to remain as calm as I possibly can. He can fight about money. I will argue for fairness. He can massage his wounded pride and his ego. I will worry about our kids.

That's what I will do. But if you'll excuse me I need to go cry my heart out cause being strong is killing me.
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To Stretch Your Wings

To stretch your wings

and soar

is truly a gift

from God

and scary as all hell.

To dance alone

swaying in the kitchen

jitterbugging down the hall

twirling in the garden

is still to dance.

Lift up your voice

and sing

out LOUD

off-key is okay

so long as you sing.

Laughter

reaches in

takes the pain from my heart

chews it up and spits it out

and leaves my ribs aching.

The rhythms of love

choreograph

a sultry dance

undulating, gyrating

leaving you breathless.

Live, love, laugh

dance and sing

and soar

this is your only chance

are you gonna take it?

The Ice Cream Man (in poetry)

This post came about from a combination of things.  The first was my desire to try my hand at a form of poetry called gogyohka.  For many people the fact that this is a relatively free form without the stricter syllable requirement of haiku or senryu makes this easier to do.  For me, however, I find it harder.  Without the strict requirements my brain has too much wiggle room.  The second thing influencing this post is the novel "Closet Treats" or as I prefer to think of it "The Ice Cream Man" by my dear friend Paul Cooley.  

The first poem is simply for Paul.  The grouping of seven that follows is a poetic interpretation of his work.

‎​You've taught me

the beauty in horror

with your haunting

words.

Thank you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Those loud loud bells

a cacophony

slithering down the street

enticing children

then entrapping them. 

Evil eyes

not quite hidden

acid yellow

swirling crimson

watching you.

Yummy treats

for children

and children

yummy treats

for fiends.

A child runs

terrified

from visions

and a fiend

combined. 

Black talons

slash

ripping innocence

and children

to shreds.

‎​

The loudest scream

is the one

ripped from a throat

never heard

only imagined.

Pain, suffering

strange evil lurking

hero only human

fighting valiantly

but no ending in sight.

Today's Lesson: Coping with Pain and Grief

Today's lesson folks:

When you hold it all in and

say you're fine, you're not. 

Mind, body, and soul

have infinite room for joy

not so pain and grief. 

As the hurt flows in

process it and let it go

no need to keep it. 

Joy is what to hold

each little bit that finds you

smiles, giggles, hold those. 

When indeed you hurt

and who among us hasn't

it's okay to cry. 

It's okay to need

a shoulder, an ear, a hug

let people help you. 

What's the point of friends

If you never lean on them

let them do their job. 

One day down the road

roles will be reversed and I

will be there for you.

FairNine

A little over two months ago one of my best friends (whose way with words makes me swoon) said I should check out this blog, this writer, this woman, this person.  He didn't say it in that many words but I knew he admired her on all fronts.  I found someone (with more literary talent than I could dream to have) who expresses so well, so many of my thoughts and desires.

When I read that first post I intended to go back through her archives.  As usual, I got sidetracked.  Today I saw her on twitter and was reminded of the reading I needed to do.  I went back to the beginning.  And was reminded of how connected to her I feel.  I started pulling out little bits of some of her posts that resonate so harmoniously with me.    After each excerpt I have included the link to the full post.  In addition to these little nuggets of wisdom there are entire posts that I just love.  These are listed at the end.  I wish I could repost them all here but that feels more like plagiarism than what? What's the word I want here? Adoration? Worship? Admiration?   I apologize for my gushing...hopefully, you will understand when you read her words.  Fair warning: much of this deals with sex and sexuality and is not suitable for work, minors, prudes, or those easily offended.

What I want in life can't be made from money. I can't stand the idea of spending my life working toward financial stability, and finding out in the end that I wasted my time. There better be a lot more to life than all of that "EXPECTED" nonsense, and I am not going to wait around to let it find me.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2008/08/manhunt.html

Since when does a clean house and non-interest in sex=good person?

I'm happier my way.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/03/subversive-no-i-am-indeed-not-perfect.html

 The only thing that ever sucks about performing oral on a woman is that it is incredibly frustrating to both breathe and encourage the oh-my-god-don't-ever-stop gyrations. Sometimes I wish I didn't need to breathe, just so we could get her there.

My belief is, if you can breathe, you're doing it wrong. 

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/11/doing-it-wrong.html

 A cold orgasm is akin to starvation. This ardor needs to meet its match, needs a mate. Give me someone who burns the way I burn. Give me someone that drowns in it as I do. I need that intensity. Anything less is just far too paltry. I am starving.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/11/because-only-people-for-me-are-mad-ones.html

I am a passionate person. Everything I love incites a fire in me, a burning. I am easily swept up. I look for that quality in others. 

Art will do it for me, photography and sculpture will too. Music, good writing, dance. Above all, seeing that fire burning in other people does it for me. I love the passion with which some people live. These fiery people are nearly always problematic. There is always something not quite right about them. All the fervency leaves them a little unbalanced. We all crash. This I love too.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/12/crash.html

I am a woman of many tastes. I love all kinds of love. I love the soft kind, the forbidden kind, the rough kind, the kinky kind. What I desire though, more than anything, is his love. 

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/12/ask-less.html

Writing, for me, is a potent expression of pleasure. Many things please me. Yes, sex pleases me. Yes,intimacy, love, affection, and joviality please me. Yes, literature, art, music, dance, individuality, free form expression, and writing please me. I immerse myself in my loves here. I recline on my literary couch and indulge in a little lotus-eating here. I am not ashamed.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/01/dare.html

I'm ready to move forward. Ready to create a life full of my own rules. 

Rule #1: There are no rules.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/02/epiphany.html

I am priming myself for a move most find questionable because I cannot abide by leaving such a gaping unknown. I still yearn for immersion in more creativity than I, myself, express. I'm touched by a lyric to a song I heard the other day, something about living a life out loud. Part of me thinks, "what does that even mean?" while part of me resonates with it. 

I dislike my way of leaving seemingly disconnected strands of thought as a blog. The strands to belong to a greater whole, I promise. I just have no way of braiding them for you.

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/04/beauty.html

The following links are to entire posts that I simply love:

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/11/remote.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2009/12/music.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/01/muse.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/01/abhor.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/01/unsated.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/01/reiteration.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/04/random.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/04/waking.html

http://fairnine.blogspot.com/2010/05/solution.html

I hope I have not embarrassed her too much.  I am not a stalker fan.  More a lazy fan.  But definitely a fan.  Elise, thank  you for sharing your talents, emotions, words, aspirations, joys, loves, hates, everything with us.

It Should Be Raining

Words, sounds, syllables,

phrases, thoughts, ideas, noise

jumbled in my head. 

Naked emotions

flow freely competing for

the breath to gain life. 

Finding new lessons

patience, compassion, faith, trust

hardest in my life. 

Learning watching him

He shows me such patient love

His love centers me. 

Trying to focus

on the truly important

not getting bogged down. 

Never my intent

hating that I have caused pain

you deserved better. 

Laughter, color, love

our children's faces happy

things I believe in. 

Time changes people

I wish we could undo it

doesn't work that way. 

Encouraging words

unconditional love, trust

the things he gives me 

I want to be proud

of myself, our kids, and you

how we handle this. 

I found the courage

to say I don't deserve this

we all deserve more. 

It looks sunny out

emotional disconnect

it should be raining. 

Chase away the clouds

my favorite things, my loves

colors bright and bold.

Fire

You try to hide it

but I feel the fire in you

it's burning you up.

My body is wet

Plunge your fire deep into me

Let me douse your flame.

Drink deep from my well

Lap and lick and suck at me

I will quench your thirst. 

And still I see the spark

The fire glowing in your eyes

can not be put out. 

Let it burn, Baby.

It is the best part of you

it's why I love you. 

You are so sexy

writing your smoldering words

harnessing the flame.

When you turn your back 

on the gift that burns within

you risk burning up.

Fire can be controlled

Controlled burning, used wisely

avoids disaster. 

Use your gift my love

use it gently and with thought

it will sustain you.