Thursday, April 28, 2011

Docking Manuvers

Docking manuvers
Winds buffetting, tossed around
Birds landing in trees

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stars in the Night Sky

Stars in the night sky
Blazing with their fire
Stretched from one end of the galaxy to the other
Will never shine as brightly
As you

Sunday, April 24, 2011

For @Mattsontomlin

You are creating
What your heart dreams of doing
It is a big deal

Thank you for inspiring these words, Matt. Please remember them when the mundane threatens to take over the divine.

My One True Self

There, in the quiet
Hidden amongst the stillness
Is my one true self

Long she has been there
Watching, listening, waiting
To be discovered

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Do Flowers Dream Too?

Do flowers dream too
Of the perfect sunny day
And a soft spring rain?
And, if flowers dream
I have not the slightest doubt
That one dreams of you

Monday, April 18, 2011

The following piece is just a work of fiction...

My outrage complete
I would never hurt my kids
You're an idiot

I am creative
I string words together here
Sometimes it's FICTION

Poems and essays
I've tried writing longer works
But prefer poems

I read horror now
And find that I enjoy it
I wrote a poem

Maybe fantasy
Is a genre I should try
Would you think that's real?

Dragons, vampires, elves
Would a poem about these
Cause you such concern?

I've never made threats
To cause you bodily harm
You can't say the same

If you now read this
I will add some disclaimers
For fools just like you

"The following piece
Is just a work of fiction
I hope you enjoy"

"Comments are welcome
But please address them to me
Not your attorney"

Friday, April 15, 2011

April 15th

I didn't forget
Happy Anniversary
I wore black today.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It's Okay to be Uncomfortable

Normally, we all strive for comfort: a comfortable home, comfortable clothes, comfortable car, comfortable living. So, it might sound strange when I say it's okay to be uncomfortable. In fact, it is often a very good thing.

When we get comfortable, we tend to get into a routine. Routines are wonderful; but that comfortable routine can also mean same-old-same-old. When we break out of our routine and do something different unexpected things can happen. Good things.

Two friends of mine, who both happen to be male and writers of horror, recently wrote stories with elements of erotica in them. In one case, the erotic scenes are not the sole focus of the story and are balanced quite nicely by the horror and violence also present. In the other, the eroticism is central to the theme of the story. In writing these stories, these writers have ventured into new territory. In both cases, they were more than a little nervous about how they were portraying acts of the most personal nature--sexual acts. In being outside their comfort zone, they crafted their words with extra care. That care is evident in the overall quality of their work.

Any artist can improve their work, regardless of their medium or preferred subject, by stepping out of their comfort zone. This could be anything different from what is the norm for you. If you are a spinner, try a different fiber. If you are a portrait photographer who works in a studio, try some nature photography out in the great wide world. If, like my friends, you are a writer, try whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable. For some this might be erotica. For others, the horrific elements that my friends usually write might be what you need to try.

Color pallets, styles, subject matter, techniques, mediums, genres, methods, locations, times of day--these are all choices you make as an artist. The next time you create something, change just one of your choices. Just one. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

Saturday, April 09, 2011


Slowly unfurling layers of silk
The color of embarrassment
And wishful thinking
Opening to revel in the warmth
Of your touch

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Packing and Unpacking

I finally realized
Why I have been dragging my feet
On some of this divorce stuff
I thought it was just fear
But it is so much more

I thought I was done
Grieving, hoping, wishing...
And I'm not
But things won't get better
Until I pack those things up too

I need to move on
Physically at least
I can deal with everything else
By myself

I forgive him
For wanting me to be someone I'm not
And for thinking I would change
But more importantly
I forgive myself

So I'm packing up boxes
In my living room
And in my heart
I'm planning my future
And looking forward to unpacking

Monday, April 04, 2011

Horror Haiku

Death and darkness call
I have a purpose to fill
With innocent blood

I am born of night
Hunting patiently, with stealth
Silently searching

Sacrificial lambs
Hidden by you blasphemers
But I am clever

I sense innocence
It pulls me like a magnet
My sweet little lamb

I am duty bound
To free trapped innocent souls
Free them from this Hell

Your "God" is useless
Powerless against my truth
I will set them free

I am the shepherd
Come to take my lambs with me
You can not stop me

Sunday, April 03, 2011

What I Like About...

I was a Junior at Shaker Heights High School in Shaker Heights, OH for just a semester. Our family had moved there from Opelika, AL when my Dad went back to work for True Temper. As luck would have it the president of the company decided to move the corporate headquarters from Cleveland to Shiremanstown, PA at the same time. So, I was only at SHHS for that one semester. Yet, years later I am reminded of the AP English teacher I had (Mr Newby) and my classmates because of a single sheet of paper.
One afternoon, we walked into our English classroom to find 18 large sheets of white paper arranged around the room, hanging from the walls. Across the top of each was written in large black letters, "What I like about_______ is:". Each sheet had one of our names across the top. We were instructed to take a colored marker and circle the room, thinking about the person named on each sheet and making a note to them about what we like best about them.
I came across that sheet of paper today while going through boxes of stuff and packing and purging my stuff in preparation to move as we work through this divorce and go our separate ways. It's a simple exercise that can yield profound results. Especially if you were previously having a bad day.
The words on this paper were written almost 30 years ago. I am as blown away by them today as I was then. They don't reveal any huge surprises, just reinforce that my basic personality, my good qualities are the same as they have always been and hopefully always will be.
Here's what my peers wrote when they were asked to write down what they like about Susan Baiman...
**Good pianist
**her truly warm, gutsy personality
**her friendliness
**her conversation and ability to be understanding
**her happy, caring manner
**her desire to be as friendly as possible with many people
**ability to make friends with anyone
**that she has more colored pens than Mr Newby
**her ability to make a person feel at ease
**that she ALWAYS puts warmth out for others
**her outgoing warmth makes me feel very good
**her quickness to laugh
**the speed at which she can put someone at ease
**her friendliness to new people
**her friendliness and her ability to make others laugh
**her incredible sense of my humor. She doesn't even miss the one-liners under the breath.
I'm pretty sure we all rolled our eyes a bit when the exercise was explained to us; but I think we all took it seriously and actually enjoyed doing it. All I can tell you is that from 30 years later when I'm going through the most difficult time in my life so far, these simple words mean a great deal to me. They remind me that in so many ways, I am still that girl. The people saying these kinds of things to me have changed over the years but the fact that some of the words are still the same gives me hope that when this is all over I will still be me; a little worse for the wear, hopefully a bit wiser, but still the same me my classmates wrote about all those years ago.