One of Those Days

Most days I'm so much happier
not being in a relationship.
Well, let me rephrase that.
I have lots of relationships
and I'm in them
completely.
It's more like not being
in a romantic one
that's here and now
instead of across time and distance;
not being part of a pair.

I've grown to appreciate
that being alone
doesn't mean being lonely.

I like not having to ask permission
of anyone else
'cause for me that's what
a relationship has meant
for so long

Most days
I'm happy just being me.
Unfortunately,
today isn't one of those days;
and, I'd give anything
to be in your arms right now.

Only In My Dreams

Time to close my eyes

and feel your arms around me

only in my dreams

In the Pre-dawn Dark

In the pre-dawn
Dark
I slowly
Wake
To the sound
Of a soft
Steady
Rain
Gently
Reminding me
That you are not
Here

For So Long

when you're not aware 

that something is missing in your life 

you feel nothing about it.

you don't know what you don't know

but when someone pulls back the curtain

and exposes the giant gapping whole in your life

in your soul, 

your very existance...

you don't know you're missing something 

until it completes you

you can't help but feel 

an exquisite sort of pain
heartbreaking emptiness

that the missing part 

not only IS missing

but that it HAS BEEN missing...

for so long

Cold Air and Sunshine

Cold air and sunshine
blue skies banish loneliness
peace and strength are mine.

The Quest to Find Happiness and Other Things

I'm on a quest. A holy grail sort of thing. I'm searching for happiness. But not a simple little moment of happiness. That I can find--on a regular basis. But, for me, those moments of happiness are punctuated by a number of decidedly un-happy moments and emotions. And, as if that wasn't enough to be looking for, along with never-ending happiness, I want to discover those habits, tendencies, rituals of folks who seem to be perpetually well-rested, productive, effective (in addition to happy) members of society. 

I am by nature an optimist. I am also a procrastinator who is prone to laziness and depression. I am an idea person who sucks on the follow-through. I lack focus and commitment. At home. In my personal life. The funny thing is that when I was working I was the complete opposite at work. Highly organized. Tightly focused. Able to multi-task easily. All the while, I was much happier at work than I was at home. 

I guess I need to figure out what I did (and probably even more important) why I did what I did when I was at work. Hmmm....

So, while I ponder work life versus home life, if you have any thing in particular that you do that helps you achieve happiness or be more productive or effective in your life, I'd love to hear about it. 

Loneliness Eviscerates

The pain cuts

but I don't bleed

it burns so

but I show no scars

loneliness eviscerates.