Saturday, December 31, 2011

I Trust You

I trust you to be you
To say things that make me think
That make me laugh
And smile
Sometimes all of the above
Sometimes I just shake my head
I trust you to take
Unlikely events and people
And mix them with science
Creating fiction
That works
In a brilliant way
I trust you to argue with me
In the good way
To make me think
Questioning beliefs
Exploring thoughts
Making me a better person
I trust you to be sexy
And even sweet
Raunchy and dirty
I trust you to be
All of these things because
I trust you to be you

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Tell Me a Lie

There is a truth
In loneliness
A truth in facing
Tell me a lie
Most days
I crave that truth
Crave those lessons
I can only learn
On my own
But there comes a time
When I've had enough truth
Enough lessons
And all I want is you
Telling me a sweet little lie
Any lie
Of love
will do
So long
As you hold me
And love me
The truth is overrated
I'd rather have you

Sunday, December 25, 2011

My Holiday Wish

My holiday wish
peace, joy, love, laughter, health, and
happiness to you

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas 2011. Thank you.

Two years ago I posted a holiday rant. I re-read it yesterday and winced at the levels of anger, frustration, disillusionment, and pure bitchiness I displayed there. And yet, I'm glad it's there. It gives me a frame of reference. It reminds me that I write these things for me. It also showed me how much I've changed over the past couple of years.

The commercialism of this time of year still drives me insane. Instead of becoming quite so angry about it, now I just do my best to avoid it. Before I was jealous that I didn't have the means to participate in the gluttony. Now I have even less and I finally realized that it's not something I wish to participate in anyway. Sometimes less really is more.

Last year I became person-non gratta on my ex's side of the family. It hurt like hell to be kicked to the curb by people I love and respect. It angered me that they only saw his side. And, it took me a while to understand that of course that's what they are going to do. I finally saw how silly it was for me to think anything else would or should happen. I still miss some of them terribly, but I'm finally at peace with this part of how the divorce has impacted my life.

I've never liked family gatherings. This year, I'm getting a huge dose of irony. This year I won't have to suffer through the family gathering because the only family still living in the same part of the country as me is my youngest sister and we hardly speak. I'm closer to my mom than I've ever been in my adult life and now they are embarking on a new adventure by moving down to Florida. I guess this is a lesson in karma for me. Duly noted. As much as I miss my parents, I am happy that our relationships have improved. This is so much better than having them close by and not speaking. So, while I miss them, I am also happy for them and hope they find happiness and adventures where they are now.

We had an artificial tree for years and last year, like every thing else around here, it finally broke beyond the possibility for repair. The ex got a real tree for the first time in years and we had a very tense holiday still under the same roof. This year I can't afford a new fake tree and didn't even consider a live one. I don't have the money anyway, didn't want to kill a tree, and if I did it would just be a fire hazard as I wouldn't remember to water it. So, for the first time in ages, no tree. I'm okay with that. I'm glad to not get the ornaments out and go through all of the memories that each one holds. I worry about how the boys are with this change, but they seem to be taking it in stride.

I am looking forward to celebrating with my boys this year; starting some new traditions based not on judeo-christian beliefs that I don't necessarily share, but on a sense of family, love, togetherness, and creativity. Christmas dinner will not be a re-telling of Thanksgiving. This year we're going to make one of our favorite foods, pizza, together. Max is still lobbying for either Chinese food or a pizza delivery. But he's been out voted and we will be having a pizza building festival of food that night.

The hardest thing about the holidays for me is that Jake is still young enough to believe in Santa. It would be a lot easier if he didn't. He already knows that money is tight. But he hasn't made the leap from Mom has no money to Santa has no money. Because, thankfully, for him Christmas is still about magic.

A few weeks ago I was really upset about the holidays. I can barely afford to get the kids a few items of clothing and didn't know how to explain to Jake that Santa wasn't going to be bringing much to our house this year. A friend told me to not worry about it; that every kid deserved at least one fun thing from Santa, and she wanted to play Santa to my boys this year. I had a hard time accepting that someone would want to do something like this for me and my family. Meanwhile, presents have arrived this week and I'm finally starting to feel the same kind of excitement that Jake feels at the upcoming visit from Santa.

I've already received so many gifts this year. I have three sons that I am so proud of and love with all my heart. I am in a good place with my parents. I have a job that I love working with great co-workers where I get to spend my day helping people. I am constantly inspired by and in awe of the world around me in all its beauty and mystery. And, I have been blessed to have so many amazing people come into my life these past two years as friends and teachers.

So, my friend is playing Santa in the form of some fun things for the boys; but she's given me the best gifts I've ever received; her love and friendship, and the desire to one day repay her kindness and generosity by paying it forward to someone else.

Thank you.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Fragile Winter Sky

Fragile winter sky
Robin's egg blue
Purple storm clouds
To crack the shell

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Feline Therapist

Rumbling motor soothes
Kneading massage relaxes
Feline therapist

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Lover's Glance

Liquid silk
Warm like your laughter
Envelopes me
Holds me
Soft waves caressing
Joy softly washes over
As I float in the smile
Of your eyes

Venturing Out Into the Unknown

The unknown is a terrifying place
I am learning that every day
I hate it
But I can't get to a better place
Without first venturing out into the unknown

Originally published November 17, 2010

Even More

Sounds and syllables strung together
in just the right ways
form your words
and make me love you
even more

Originally published November 16, 2010

Those Who Love Me Best

Sneaking up behind
to tickle your neck and ear
favorite torture.

I have many names
called "Evil" and "Trouble" by
those who love me best.

Originally published November 15, 2010

Burn Brightly

A couple of words
silly little words from you
make me smile all day.

With words and a smile
you infuse my soul with light
and I burn brightly.

Originally published November 15, 2010

Sleep Eludes Me

Sleep eludes me
yet again
I turn my thoughts to you
and finally fall asleep
with a smile on my face.

Originally published November 14, 2010

Good Morning

The soft light kisses
those little lines on your face
lines of character.

Tracing sunlit lines
of sweetness on sleeping skin
debating waking.

Day is beckoning
so along with the sunlight
I gently wake you.

Originally published November 14, 2010

The Best Things in Life

Having friends you trust
who support and stand by you
the best things in life.

Originally published November 12, 2010

Monday, December 19, 2011

Reviews: Legends by Paul E. Cooley

Legends is a combination of two stories, "The Last Hunter" and "Keepers". These are the first two entries in an ongoing series that combines ancient history, ancient mysteries, gods, monsters, love and loss. These first two stories introduce a creature--god? monster? yes!--and those who have been tasked with fighting him and making sure no one ever forgets the legends of the beast.
At a time when civilizations were first being formed, numerous religions fought for worshipers and influence. Many of their traditions and ideals seem strange to us now, but none as strange as Garaaga. As the stories unfold, the reader is forced to look at Garaaga, Garaaga's children, his worshippers, and those who would rid them all from the ancient landscape from multiple viewpoints; causing the reader to question who is good and who is evil.
There is a bitter sweetness to these stories. Cooley has added elements of love and lust to tales that are at other times brutally violent. The result is a rich tapestry of emotions and actions guaranteed to leave the reader begging for more.
At just $ 0.99 for both of these stories together, it's a deal you shouldn't pass up.  You can find this newest offering at Amazon.

Disclaimer: Paul is one of my closest friends. I beta read his work and did the female voices for these stories in the podcast versions. I am obviously biased about him and his writing. He did not ask for (or even know I was going to do) this review. Check his work out for yourself and we can compare notes. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sails Unfurled

Sails unfurled in the dawning light
Wet with morning dew
Hoisted aloft to dry in the warmth of a new day
Bright and beautiful against an azure sky
The wind will push against them
And they against the wind
Travelling the world in search of love and life
A butterfly fluttering by

Saturday, December 17, 2011


can be about many things
like being afraid.

Originally published November 13, 2010


We are all students
in a lifetime of learning
what can you teach me?

Some of life's lessons
I must fail before I learn

is all that is required
to learn anything.

Originally published November 12, 2010

Of God and Souls

I look in your eyes
and can see into your soul
and know your heart too.

If God were scattered
little pieces each a soul
you and I connect.

There are no soul mates
only pieces connecting
to form a new whole.

Your soul shines brightly
pushing away the darkness
lighting up my world.

God is in us all
pieces of the universe
bound in flesh and blood.

Originally published November 11, 2010

The Poet

When I write poetry I usually have a thought or feeling in mind when I start.  I usually narrow it down to a word or two and then I hold this idea gently at the front of my mind.  In my mind's eye I see this 'thing'.  I turn it around; caressing it, and let the words come to me.  Often it takes a number of these little poems for me to feel that I am satisfied with my expression of whatever the thought or feeling was.

My poetic forms of preference are the haiku (often the subform of the senryu) and the gogyohka.  These little poems are meant to stand alone.  Yet, I usually have a string of them that as a larger whole becomes a different sort of piece completely.

While I like the results I have achieved in these super-sized versions, I am learning to trust these little poems by themselves or in smaller groups.  So, the next few posts will be truer to the nature of these forms than I have been in the past.  In doing this, I am also forcing myself to work harder to get complete thoughts down in a much smaller space.

Please leave comments if anything strikes you in any way, good or bad.  The only way I improve at anything I do in life is through feedback.

As always, thank you for spending some of your precious time and thought visiting here.

My darling poet
empty your heart on the page
tell me your desire.

You are so quiet
your poems, so eloquent
sing your unsaid words.

Originally published November 11, 2010

Standing at the Water's Edge

I walk down to the ocean
Carrying my fears and insecurities
Hesitantly I step onto the sand
Weak, fragile, and alone
I falter and stumble
Wobbling in the shifting sand
Feeling my way to the water
One sinking, sliding step at a time
I grow tired, my burden heavy
Leaden legs the pain spreading
I unburden my load and rest
Forgetting it on the sand
Trudging onward
I fall into a rhythm
Letting myself look ungainly
Because it feels right

The more I relax
And let the sand dictate my pace
The easier it is to move
And my footing becomes firm
With each step forward
I gain new confidence
Focusing on relaxing
Feeling my strength grow
The roar of the ocean unnerving
A cacophony of sounds
Drowning out my thoughts
Bringing a deafening silence
The sea salt spray sandblasts
Wearing away self-doubt
Eroding my facade
I am left with me

The dawn slowly lifts
Newly born out of the waves
Pink and peach then glowing golden
Bringing light and warmth
For a moment as it rises
The sun seems trapped
Against the crashing surf
I wonder at the unseen chains
Sympathizing, I have my own
Invisible shackles pulling me down
Struggling spirits united
Breaking free to soar
I tentatively move closer
The waves and the water pull me in
Calling in a voice
That only the soul can hear

I am afraid of the deep, the unknowing
Fearing what lies beneath
I am alone and vulnerable
Easy prey for my fears
Testing the water
Feeding the waves one toe at a time
Hungrily they lick at me
Eating away my fears
The water is cool yet warm
How is that possible?
Impossibly soothing
Calming my fears
Standing at the water's edge
Listening, feeling, smelling
Senses reeling
I am finally centered

Originally published October 8, 2010

Life isn't Life

Will you know the soul
that was cleaved from yours
by the sound of a voice?
By the words
as they are spoken?
By the look in their eyes?
Will you know
that soul
at all?
Or will they brush past you
into eternity?

Every day that passes
without you
is one day closer
to being together
Riotous colors
intoxicating scents
layers of flavor and meaning;
life isn't life
without the richness of things
or you.

Originally published September 24, 2010

In Your Shadow

I am content
to stand in your shadow
sit at your feet
watching, listening, learning from you
for now.

One day soon
I will take your words
stack them end to end
climb up and jump off
and soar.

Until then
I am content
filling my mind
and my soul
with you.

Originally published September 23, 2010

Good and Evil

Evil may lurk
in the hearts of men
but it takes
a woman
to unleash it

Soulful siren bewitching all
enticing others to do your bidding
taking pleasure and pain
greedy whore
taking all

Is it ever truly possible to reconcile a person
balance good and evil
profane and profound
accept them as they are and move on

Originally published September 22, 2010

Blood, Guts, and Gore

Brain matter
fecal matter
blood, guts, and gore
Geesh! The things my friends write
I love them in spite of it

Every once in a while
I find myself getting sucked in
their words crafted so artfully
the build-up so slow and delicious

Sleepless Insecurity

You haunt my dark night
thoughts of you send me sleepless
into tomorrow.

My voice's echo
reverberates around me
it too is alone.

The night's blackness clings
an inky residue left
hanging on my soul.

No point in crying
 only insecurity
to share in my tears.

The cricket's chirping
lullabye for other souls
mocks my dreamless state.

As the world slumbers
alone awake and alone
my sentence final.

As the dark night lifts
ushering in the new day
so lifts my spirit. 

At dawn's first flicker
ember of hope glows in me
as I wait for you.

My fragility
held down so well in the light
runs free in the dark.

I question myself
I question all that I know
when left with myself.

I can't ask my friends
to be at my beck and call
because I am weak.

A heavyness falls
slowly drifting down on me
perhaps now I'll sleep

I am not myself
when fear and lonliness strike
or am I more me? 

Friends see my failings
they give encouragement, love
they don't exploit them. 

doesn't always play a part
in how things affect.

For example: You.
Loving you was not my plan
and yet it happened. 

Eyelids closing now
thoughts of you help me relax
holding you in dreams.

Originally published September 13, 2010

Friday, December 16, 2011

I Will Know

Will I know your voice
If I'm in a crowded room
And you say my name?

I will know your love
When I kiss your sweet, soft lips
And you kiss me back

Will I know your face
If I pass you on the street
And you glance my way?

I will know your soul
When I look into your eyes
And see myself there.

Will I know your touch
If I stumble walking by
And you steady me?

I will know my life
When you are there beside me
And two becomes one

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Reviews: Dead Mech by Jake Bible

There are a few things to keep in mind when reading this review.  First of all, I usually hate zombie stories.  I just don't get them.  The whole coming back to life to eat the living thing is patently stupid (imho). Not to mention scientifically preposterous. Secondly, I'm not a big fan of post-apocalyptic stories.  They are just too damn depressing and dreary for my tastes. And, Finally, I have a low tolerance for blood, guts, gore, and violence--the ick factor.  Well, I used to anyway...

I listened to the podcast version of Dead Mech and bought the ebook version because Jake is a friend.  I'll try anything at least once and twice if a friend is involved.  Reading and listening were both wonderful experiences but for different reasons.  I highly recommend both.  

This novel is unique in that it is the first drabble novel.  A drabble is a piece of flash fiction that is exactly 100 words.  Not 99.  Not 101.  I tried my hand at this form of writing last year and wrote about the process here. It was a very good experience for me, but not something I plan on repeating anytime soon.  Jake wrote this story one drabble at a time.  Each one is a complete thought, often a scene, sometimes a part of a scene.  But, each is a perfect drabble.  This alone astonishes me and made the read very enjoyable.  Because of the nature of a drabble the writing is tight and precise.

Jake is a natural storyteller and hearing the book read by him was a joy. Dead Mech was his first podcasting experience and he learned and improved as he went; but it is good from the very first episode and only gets better.

For me, the thing that is the biggest determining factor in whether or not I like a story isn't the plot, or the genre, or the's the characters.  If the writer can bring the characters to life and make me care about them, I'll follow them damn near anywhere.  Jake does that beautifully here.  The story lines are all good and tightly interwoven. But, the characters are real and memorable. I was surprised to realize when listening to his Q & A episode afterwards that he never gave full descriptions to any of the characters.  Yet, even now, I still see them all clearly in my mind.  And somehow I know the Rookie has blue eyes.  Trust me on that.

Remember the objections I listed at the beginning of this: zombies, post-apocalyptic, and the ick factor? Well, this is about giant mechanized war machines in a post-apocalyptic world where not only are there zombies, but the mechs themselves become zombies...throw in some cannibalism and cage fighting and well, there you have it.  Even with all of that, I absolutely LOVED this book.  That's how wonderful the characters are and how fine a job Jake did with the writing.

There were moment when I laughed till I cried; others where I just cried.  I finally get zombie stories--it's NOT about the zombies.  The zombies are just the obstacle for the heroes to conquer.

This book is available in free podcast format at and in paperback and ebook versions at all the typical retailers.  Jake is currently podcasting a second novel that happens at the same time as Dead Mech, a sidequel as it were...  That Jakey, he's always gotta be different...

Jake's website
B & N

I am not a professional critic (though I am rather critical of some things some days, but I digress).  I occasionally will post a review of something I have enjoyed that I think is worth your time and/or money. I don't as a general rule put up negative reviews.  Not because I love everything I see, hear, or read; but rather because I know how hard people work on these things and I have no intention of being overly critical.  I would rather just not say anything than trash someone else's hard work. I usually know the people involved and want to do whatever I can to get their wonderful work out to more people.  However, I don't write these because my friends created the work. I write them because I truly enjoyed the work itself.  I receive no remuneration of any kind for any review I write.  


I have secrets
things I hide
from everyone
but you

He told me
what a terrible person I am
he told me
and I believed him
I believed for so long

He knew me best
he knew my secrets
he knew me
so I had to believe him
had to

I told you my secrets
terrified you would tell me too
what a terrible person I am
you laughed and held me
I've loved you ever since

You have taught me
that we are more
than just our secrets
that I am more
than mine

So I stopped believing him
and started trusting myself
in myself
thank you


I want to
need to
but the words
are stuck.

Thoughts are stuck in my head feelings in my heart
neither can find their way
onto the paper.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011


There is death and dying
Trouble and pain
Everywhere we look
Everyday around us
But there is light and life
Laughter and children
Love and kindness too
It's up to us
To find them
We move through this world
Through ages and stages
Dealing with both extremes
And everything else
In between
We grow in understanding
As we age
Learning the universe
All its mysteries
Pleasure and pain
Appreciating the happy times
Doesn't make the sad easier
Knowing they existed
And will again
Can help
We take our turns
Being the one in pain
We also spend time
Being the one supporting
We balance each other
Yesterday I was in pain
Today I offer my shoulder
To you
It's the least I can do
For my friend.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Reviews: The Golden Age of the Solar Clipper: The Share Series by Nathan Lowell

Millions of books are published every year. Many are worth your time. Some are great stories. Few have characters that become a part of you; characters you genuinely care about; characters you wish you knew in real life. Ishmael Horatio Wang (rhymes with gong) is one of those characters.

The books in this series--and thankfully there are six, though I still wish there were more--are Quarter Share, Half Share, Full Share, Double Share, Captain's Share, and Owner's Share. A share is just that, a share in the profits of a trading ship. These ships ferry goods between worlds in the not so distant future.

These are not stories of epic space battles, or alien invasions. These are the stories of a boy becoming a man and facing the sort of personal challenges such a journey entails. He struggles with personal character issues in ways many of us wish we could. Ishmael is an imperfect person, as are we all, and he experiences triumphs, tragedies, love, and loss with a truly unique and endearing style.

If you are looking to read about epic space battles, these books aren't for you. If, however, you want to go on the journey of a lifetime, with characters you will forever hold dear in your heart, welcome aboard.

You can find these wonderful stories in a variety of formats (including free podcasts) at the following locations:

Barnes and Noble

And for more information, other works, podcasts, and info on what Nate is up to visit his site,

I am not a professional critic (though I am rather critical of some things some days, but I digress).  I occasionally will post a review of something I have enjoyed that I think is worth your time and/or money. I don't as a general rule put up negative reviews.  Not because I love everything I see, hear, or read; but rather because I know how hard people work on these things and I have no intention of being overly critical.  I would rather just not say anything than trash someone else's hard work. I usually know the people involved and want to do whatever I can to get their wonderful work out to more people.  However, I don't write these because my friends created the work. I write them because I truly enjoyed the work itself.  I receive no remuneration of any kind for any review I write.  

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Circular Logic

Circular logic
Coming back to square
Thoughts spiralling
Escher's fantasy is my reality
Pen and ink
Seeping through layers of consciousness
Staining morality
Play on words

Time travelling
Back to the future
A special circle in hell
Love crafted with unthinkable
The future was a remake
Of a past whose best days are his story
Written in the books
I'll write hers in mine