It Was Dark That Day

It was dark that day

I ripped out my heart for you

and walked to the light

Words I Love and You

The words fall
From your pen
Through your fingers
Spilling from your lips
Droplets of sound
Raining down meaning
Love and sex and pain and yearning
Desire transformed aloud
Aching I reach for you
Fill me with your essence
Your words in physical form
Speak me into meaning
Transfixed by the rhythm
The droplets splashing on the page
Merging with my wetness
As you quench my thirst
What can I ask my love
That you have not answered
With your words
Stroked against my skin
Magical words collide
Poured out into mine
Raging rivers of passion
Tides ebbing out to sea
Salt water emotions
Form rivers on my face
Experiential transformation
Baptismal font of words
Sweat slicked and sated
Gasping out the last
droplets of desire
Words I love and you

Finally Home Again

At the beginning of time
Souls intertwined
Perfection melted together
One entity
In peace
And love
Shattered to hell
Cursed
Damned
Good and evil coexist
Evil left it's mark
Scattering pieces to the winds
And so we search
For those pieces
That fit into us
Those people
That are a part of us
And make us whole
When I hold you
In my arms
And look in your eyes
I see a little piece of me
That was missing for so long
Finally home again

The Music of Your Soul

I hear the music 

of your soul 

the syncopated rhythm 

of your love 

and I dance.

Set Fear Aside

There comes a time
When you must set fear aside
Each moment leading up to that time
Is more painful than the last
As fear closes in
Squeezing every cell
Every fiber
Of your being
Until the simple act
Of expanding your lungs
Is a near-impossible feat of perseverance
Pushing your will power
To live
To survive
Beyond what you think are your limits
Only to find
When you finally say
ENOUGH
I can't live like this
And you step past the fear
Dropping it like the baggage it is
That not only can you now breathe
But that the air is sweet
And full of hope
And love
And you are so much
Stronger
So much more
Alive
So much more
You.
But only after you take that first
Seemingly impossible
Step
And set fear aside.
It's not impossible.
And it is time.

What You Can Do

I am a content creator. One of the first things I learned when I was studying photography was the copyright laws and how they applied to the latent image on the film from the moment the exposure is made. That's right, for those of you that grew up post actual film, the image (and its ownership) is sacred and copywritten the instant it exists in the camera.  Protecting that copywrite was a very different matter back then and possession was nine tenths of the law, as the expression goes.  The negative was a physical thing that couldn't be duplicated by a simple click of the mouse. Publication wasn't instantaneous and world wide.

Today, theft and piracy are constant threats for anyone who creates art and content and publishes it electronically. We are all on guard constantly to make sure that not only is our material not being used without our express authorization, but also that we are not leaving ourselves vulnerable to theft by corporations with questionable terms of service contracts.

As terrible as online piracy is, and the threat is real, the answer is not government censorship, or the potential ability to censor.  Censorship of legitimate activities because of the potential bad behavior of others is not how I want my country to be run.  I don't want a bunch of rich white men who don't know an IP address from an IHoP telling me what I can or can't put up on MY sites.

Being anti-SOPA or anti-PIPA does not mean I am for piracy, it means I am against my government trying to regulate something it's ruling membership doesn't even understand by means of censorship at the expense of the innocent.

Today, this site went dark in solidarity with hundreds of thousands of other websites large and small to boycott the pending SOPA and PIPA legislation. But, we need your help to make our point to the elected officials that want to curtail our rights to put our content up without the risk of censorship.

Please contact your representatives to Congress and tell them that if they support these bills, instead of the internet going dark, it will be the lights in their district offices going dark when we vote them out of office.

You can find your representative and their contact information HERE.

Stop SOPA

Please tell you representatives in congress that you oppose the proposed SOPA legislation.

On January 18, 2012 I will be refraining from tweeting, posting on facebook or Google+, and posting here.  My site, ChocolateScotch.com will be down from 8am-8pm est.  

Max's List

We have always kept a grocery list on the refrigerator.  The theory is that when you notice you are using the last of something (or god forbid getting close to the last of something) or you want something that we are already out of you write it on the list.  The truth is that more often than not I'm the one to write most of the stuff down.  When the kids first attempt to write something (like candy) on the list in beginner penmanship it has been amusing.  Never, has it purposefully been used for comic effect.  Until now...

This morning as I went to the fridge to get the butter for my toast and the milk for my latte I noticed writing on the list.  I had gone to the grocery store just a couple of days ago, I knew I hadn't started a new list yet, and the younger kids are with their dad this weekend.  

Hmmm...I wonder what Max wants from the store?

Vodka

Tequila

Strippers

Fireworks (the big illegal kind)

Happy-in-a-can

Monkeys

Midgets

Midget-Monkeys

*SNORT* Good thing I wasn't already drinking my tea...

Now I wonder how long he's been waiting for me to notice...

Saved

You saved my life
Damn you!
Why did you do that?
We both know
I am strong enough now
To save myself
But for what?
I love you
Beyond all reason
And can never have you
So I'm not sure
What the point is
Anymore
Of anything
And since you don't want me
Why you bothered
To save me
From myself
When now it's you
I need saving from

Crap

I am writing
Crap
Thoughts swirling
Torturing
Disemboweling me
And all I can write is
Crap
My brains are oozing out my ears
Art
Ideas
Pain
Images of beauty
Thoughts of suicide
A banal existence
Torture
Freud
And Sherlock
Webster
And Barnum
Candy-ass
Wise-ass
Hocus pocus clowns on parade
And you
Pressure from all sides
Pinching my nipples
Making me squirm
Life
Equations about money
And fairness
Numbers should be
The happiest of things
Create something new
Something
The world can't do without
Something
Razor-bladed truth
Vivisected
Dipped and dunked
In bile
Love and longing
Fantasies of paranoia
Coping mechanisms
That destroy innocence
We are all innocent
Guilty of other crimes
Of being something new
Even as we age
Of wanting more
Out of less
Artists
Musicians
Mystic healers
Opening doors and minds
Let me in, dammit
It's cold out here
In the darkness of my mind
Bright colors
Of love and lust
Contradictions
Emotion
Logic
The train has left the station
And I missed my ride
Ghosts haunting
Dickens words
When all else fails
Reinvent the classics
Originality is a myth
My pain is not new
My heart is not broken
Continuity
From generation to generation
Songs and stories
Are the same
These thoughts swirling
Are not new
Just disturbing
Senseless
Crap

In This Place

In this place of my imagining
There is love
In this place of my dreams
There is you

In this place of desire
I am wrapped in you
In this place of peace
You are wrapped in me

In the real world
You are far from me
In the here and now
I am alone

In my words
I bring you closer
In my visions
We are one

Discovering Truths

‎​I love when you are my muse

And help me think things through

Discovering truths alone is good.

Discovering truths with someone you love

Is Nirvana.

Originally published November 16, 2010

I Found You

As I let go of all the pain

let go of the hurt and the hate

my heart was open and empty

and love came in

As I learned that jealousy

happens when I am insecure

and that passive aggression

is just immaturity, I have grown

As I began to understand 

myself and all my faults

I gained insight into others

and their shortcomings as well

When I let love come in

I began to understand and grow

And as I gained insight

I found you.

As I Choose to Be

Horror makes me laugh
You can not write a demon
Worse than what I've faced

I've seen time stand still
Stared into Hell's dark abyss
Rescued by a friend

And so now I know
That everything is precious
Even bad days good

Each tick of the clock
An individual joy
That won't come again

So thrill me with death
Write of wanton destruction
I'm stronger than that

I can read knowing
I'm safe in the here and now
As I choose to be

You Know Who You Are

Experiencing
Need and want at the same time

You know who you are

Fault Lines

there are fissures

running through my heart and soul

like the fault lines

through a piece of marble

that make some view it as worthless

but a great sculptor

sees and knows

and with a gentle and skilled hand

uses what others see as fault

to bring forth the perfection

the otherwise unseen inner beauty

this artist shaped by other artists

stronger from the polishing

the hammering away

rough treatment

by loving hands

that can't fix the fault

because there is nothing to fix

when that which some see 

as the problem

is really the solution

and the fault lies not with the stone

but with the viewer

3 in 1

Part one: New Year's Day

Part two: Sach's Covered Bridge

Part three: Gettysburg National Cemetery

Part four: Forever Here Now

I'm combining three different themes into this last post: self portraits, photographing the photographer, and misc/nature shots.

I realize in looking at these after the fact that my shadow resembles a fire hydrant more than anything else. Lovely.

I'm always curious to see how other photographers work, and then to see the images they get...

Hey, Adam! Surprise...

And, that's all, folks...

It was a wonderful morning; a great way to start the new year. I can't wait to see the images that Adam got...

Forever Here Now

Part one of this series: New Year's Day 

Part two: Sach's Covered Bridge

Part three: Gettysburg National Cemetery

Forever Here Now

there are so many

monuments to fallen men

markers of the dead

groups from near and far

they left their homes and families

to fight for ideals

they killed and were killed

on these rocks and in these fields

the tens of thousands

we erected stones

hunks of granite and marble

stood against the sky

they stand as markers

so many they make us numb

and lose all meaning

troops and generals

fallen from so many states

remembered in stone

sentries that don't see

the ghosts that gather around

forever here now

Often it's the simple things that have the greatest impact. This is a grave stone inside the National Cemetery. The elaborate monuments of generals and angels and the exquisite architecture of the bigger memorials didn't have the impact on me as this small, simple stone. Two words and a number. 

Gettysburg National Cemetery

This is the third post in a series from the trip I took to Gettysburg with my friend, Adam, on New Year's Day.  The prologue and my favorite picture of that first sunrise of a new year is here. Pictures of Sach's Covered Bridge and the water it spans are here.

This was my first time to the Gettysburg National Cemetery. It surprised me to realize how many times I had driven by the cemetery itself and not gone in. There is still more to the cemetery that I haven't explored; just one more reason for my next return trip...

Markers like this one dot the landscape. They are so common, that if you live here you seldom stop to read what they have to say. It's such a simple marker...

It really bothered me that a sign like this is necessary here. This has a lot to do with why I try to pick times when the area isn't overrun by tourists.

The Gettysburg Address. A brilliant example of less is more when it comes to writing and word count. It is extremely brief and yet delivers so much in meaning and emotion.

This was the first time I had been here close to the holidays. I hadn't realized that  these beautiful, simple wreaths would be here. The bright colors just accentuate the sadness and the beauty of this place for me.

This sign really struck me. In part, because it is right next to these little markers that just have numbers on them. When I asked Adam what he thought the numbers were for he said, "Unknown soldiers". Which I suppose I should have been able to guess.  So, I had to walk to the end of the numbers...

979. Unknown.

Amidst all the sadness of this place, nature reminds me that there is also always life.

A female Hairy Woodpecker tapping away in search of a snack.

Sach's Covered Bridge

You can read the prologue to my New Year's Day photo shoot here.

The first place we stopped was Sach's Covered Bridge.  

While I enjoy taking photos for their artistic merit, I also love documenting a place so that others can get a sense of the history as well; a sense of the place as a whole.

So basically, this is a beautiful place; just not a fun place.

I love that it was a conversation with Max that prompted me to make this trip to Gettysburg and that I saw this inside the bridge. Made me smile.

New Year's Day

I'm having a really hard time finding words for this...

I've written about my feelings for Gettysburg. 

I need to write more about choices. About being deliberate. About understanding myself. About making choices that support my artistic endeavors. About getting off my ass, fighting inertia, and doing things that are good for me.

What does all of this have to do with anything? 

Max drove me to work on Friday. Because he was driving, I was free to notice the little bit of fog. The fog reminded me of Gettysburg and I realized it had been a while since I had been there. I mentioned that maybe this weekend would be a good time to drive down since the younger boys would be with their dad. This thought/comment was then filed in the back of my brain.

I met a friend, Adam, for lunch on Saturday. We were talking about photography and art and creativity. As I started to mention Gettysburg that comment I had made to Max popped to the surface...

I started to dismiss it and Adam asked if I wanted to go to Gettysburg. I started to dismiss the idea again when I realized tomorrow would be New Year's Day.  Then it hit me. The new year. Sunrise. The beginning of a beginning. And somehow in that moment it became important for me in a symbolic way. I needed to chose to start this year off creatively. I needed to start this year in the kind of zen that comes from that place. From looking at things I've seen a dozen times yet always look new. From trying to share the dichotomy of deep sadness and joy I experience there.

So I went to sleep early on New Year's Eve. I missed the saying goodbye to the old. Not really. I had already said my goodbyes to one of the worst years I've ever lived through. I hardly slept. I was energized with anticipation. Looking forward to something is a wonderful way to feel. 

Adam showed me a beautiful covered bridge he had photographed with friends before, I showed him Little Round Top, and we both saw the National Cemetery for the first time. It was a wonderful way to start 2012.

I'll put the sunrise here; the images of the bridge and battlefield will follow in separate posts.