Later that day, I went into the Garden Room where Phil Rossi and his band were going to be performing. I got there early, figuring I'd get a good seat. I was surprised to see Norm and another guy performing. Then I heard the words to the song..."everybody's got nipples" . What? I laughed and kept listening, moving down near the front so I could take a couple of pictures. Let me just say that Norm is everything I already said about him and then some! Add crazy, twisted, dark, silly, irreverent, sexy, nuts, and over-the-top to the description and you'll be a little closer to the truth.
Since I was about to send a picture of him to Twitter I figured the least I could do is @ reference him in the tweet. So, after they were done singing and were breaking stuff down I went over to Norm to get his Twitter name. That was the first I had heard of @theDrabbleCast. Go figure, another freakin' podcast. Like I don't have enough to listen to already?
After I got home, curiosity got the better of me (when doesn't it?) and I went looking on line for The Drabble Cast. Well, it turns out that a Drabble is a piece of flash fiction of exactly 100 words. Wow! Just 100 words? How does anyone do that? I couldn't imagine.
Yesterday, I was telling a friend that I wanted to try my hand at flash fiction but couldn't come up with any ideas. I wanted it to be a bit twisted so that maybe it has a better chance of getting on Norm's show. Oh, and I neglected to mention that Mr. Sherman has one of the sexiest voices I have ever heard when he does his podcast. His 'normal' voice is nice but doesn't even begin to hint at the quality of his 'podcasting' voice. I really want to hear him read my words...that would be amazingly cool. Even if it's only 100 of them.
As soon as I told my friend I was having no luck getting an idea one hit me. So yesterday afternoon I sat down and wrote. Here's the original idea which clocked in at 337 words. The title is "Roll With It" which is what my friend said to me when I said I had just got an idea. He didn't know it was about a
truck driver so I took his words to be a sign and used them as the title.
Traffic was a snarled mess. Most drivers looked sullen, accepting the situation resignedly. Jimmy sat in the cab of his beat up Pete grinning from ear to ear. Traffic wasn't going to bother him today. No sir. The reefer unit on his trailer started up again, chortling to life with a little cough and then purring like a cat. Manifest said the temp setting should be -15. And so it was. Jimmy wasn't about to do anything to compromise this load arriving in a less than acceptable condition.
All Jimmy knew was what the manifest detailed, which wasn't much. A load of frozen meat going from The Bronx down I-95 to some piss ant town in South Carolina. The load was sealed with a chain and padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key. That was fine with him. He was making more on this one load than he had been able to make in the past month, what with the economy and all. When he delivered this and got paid they would finally have enough money to pay off the remaining few bills and Jimmy was going to retire. Finally spend time with his new grandson.
Jimmy grinned all the way down I-95, meandered through the back roads to his destination. As he parked the truck he was met by a short swarthy man of middle age and two younger taller men. The short man gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. With his paperwork in hand, Jimmy followed the men toward the back of the truck. The short man took the paperwork, looked it over, and motioned toward the back of the truck. As Jimmy turned toward the truck, the short man put the muzzle of a gun up to the back of Jimmy's head and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the back of the trailer. They picked Jimmy's body up by the hands and feet and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
So, I was happy to have an idea. Down. But 337 words? Holy shit, that's a far cry from 100. So, I started editing. Trying to figure out what was redundant, unnecessary, extra. Here it is after the first revision down to 253 words.
All Jimmy knew was that it was a load of frozen meat going from The Bronx down I-95 to some piss ant town in South Carolina. It was sealed with a chain and padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key, and that was fine with him. He was making more on this one load than he had been able to make in the past month. Once paid, he would finally have enough money to retire; spend time with his new grandson.
Jimmy grinned all the way down I-95, meandered through the back roads to his destination. As he parked the truck he was met by three men. One man gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. With paperwork in hand, Jimmy followed the men toward the back of the truck. The first man took the paperwork, looked it over, and motioned toward the truck. Jimmy turned toward the truck, the man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull, and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They picked the body up and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
Better but still a long way off. Usually writers are focused on their word counts not so much in terms of trying to get down to a particular number but to get up to a number. Bigger is usually better (all other things like readability, pacing, and such being equal) in publishing because a novel is a more substantial (and higher paying) commodity that a short story. However, learning to tighten up your prose is an invaluable lesson, especially for a rambler like moi. So, I went at it again...trying to get closer to the elusive 100. The next one comes in at 145...
All Jimmy knew was that he was pulling a load of frozen meat from The Bronx to some pissant town in South Carolina. It was sealed with a padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key. He would make more on this one load than he'd made in month and would finally have enough to retire.
Jimmy grinned all the way to his destination. He parked the truck and was met by three men. They gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. Jimmy followed them to the back of the truck. One motioned toward the truck. As Jimmy turned, the man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull, and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They picked the body up and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
Okay, I was finally almost there. This was a lot harder that I thought it was going to be. I've been working on getting more description into my writing. Trying to get the smooth, effortless style I admire in others' writing. So, to be cutting all of those 'unnecessary' words now was almost painful. In cutting words and simplifying, I am also starting to get choppy...need to work on that too...
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. It was sealed, Jimmy didn't have the key, and he'd finally have enough money to retire.
Jimmy grinned all the way there. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting and Jimmy followed them. As Jimmy turned, one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull and pulled the trigger. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up into the trailer on top of the others.
Finally, 100 words. No more. No less. But still needs a lot of work. Trick now is to keep all future edits word neutral and stay at 100. Sigh. So close and yet so far.
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. It was sealed and he didn't have the key. Jimmy grinned all the way there--he'd finally have enough money to retire. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting and he followed them. As Jimmy turned around one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of his skull and pulled the trigger. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up and in on top of the others.
Better. I showed this version to a friend who is also a brilliant author. With a few nudges from him, this was the final version...
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. Jimmy grinned as he drove down the quiet dirt road. He'd finally have enough money to retire. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting. As Jimmy turned around one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of his skull and fired. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up and in on top of the others. The gunman took out his phone. They needed a new driver.
I can't believe I did it. I still like the original version because while it isn't as tight as it should be some of the descriptive phrases feel right and I've been working on that part of my writing. But I like the feel of this last one. A lot.
This is not an exercise I plan on repeating anytime soon. But the lesson is in my head, in me, and that's the most important thing. Hopefully, the next time I do set out to do flash fiction I will be able to start closer to the word goal because I now know what 100 feels like, what 250 feels like...
Now if I can just get Norm to read it out loud in THAT voice...
truck driver so I took his words to be a sign and used them as the title.
Traffic was a snarled mess. Most drivers looked sullen, accepting the situation resignedly. Jimmy sat in the cab of his beat up Pete grinning from ear to ear. Traffic wasn't going to bother him today. No sir. The reefer unit on his trailer started up again, chortling to life with a little cough and then purring like a cat. Manifest said the temp setting should be -15. And so it was. Jimmy wasn't about to do anything to compromise this load arriving in a less than acceptable condition.
All Jimmy knew was what the manifest detailed, which wasn't much. A load of frozen meat going from The Bronx down I-95 to some piss ant town in South Carolina. The load was sealed with a chain and padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key. That was fine with him. He was making more on this one load than he had been able to make in the past month, what with the economy and all. When he delivered this and got paid they would finally have enough money to pay off the remaining few bills and Jimmy was going to retire. Finally spend time with his new grandson.
Jimmy grinned all the way down I-95, meandered through the back roads to his destination. As he parked the truck he was met by a short swarthy man of middle age and two younger taller men. The short man gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. With his paperwork in hand, Jimmy followed the men toward the back of the truck. The short man took the paperwork, looked it over, and motioned toward the back of the truck. As Jimmy turned toward the truck, the short man put the muzzle of a gun up to the back of Jimmy's head and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the back of the trailer. They picked Jimmy's body up by the hands and feet and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
So, I was happy to have an idea. Down. But 337 words? Holy shit, that's a far cry from 100. So, I started editing. Trying to figure out what was redundant, unnecessary, extra. Here it is after the first revision down to 253 words.
All Jimmy knew was that it was a load of frozen meat going from The Bronx down I-95 to some piss ant town in South Carolina. It was sealed with a chain and padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key, and that was fine with him. He was making more on this one load than he had been able to make in the past month. Once paid, he would finally have enough money to retire; spend time with his new grandson.
Jimmy grinned all the way down I-95, meandered through the back roads to his destination. As he parked the truck he was met by three men. One man gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. With paperwork in hand, Jimmy followed the men toward the back of the truck. The first man took the paperwork, looked it over, and motioned toward the truck. Jimmy turned toward the truck, the man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull, and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They picked the body up and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
Better but still a long way off. Usually writers are focused on their word counts not so much in terms of trying to get down to a particular number but to get up to a number. Bigger is usually better (all other things like readability, pacing, and such being equal) in publishing because a novel is a more substantial (and higher paying) commodity that a short story. However, learning to tighten up your prose is an invaluable lesson, especially for a rambler like moi. So, I went at it again...trying to get closer to the elusive 100. The next one comes in at 145...
All Jimmy knew was that he was pulling a load of frozen meat from The Bronx to some pissant town in South Carolina. It was sealed with a padlock and Jimmy didn't have the key. He would make more on this one load than he'd made in month and would finally have enough to retire.
Jimmy grinned all the way to his destination. He parked the truck and was met by three men. They gestured for Jimmy to get out of the truck. Jimmy followed them to the back of the truck. One motioned toward the truck. As Jimmy turned, the man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull, and pulled the trigger.
The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They picked the body up and swung it up into the trailer on top of the other bodies.
Okay, I was finally almost there. This was a lot harder that I thought it was going to be. I've been working on getting more description into my writing. Trying to get the smooth, effortless style I admire in others' writing. So, to be cutting all of those 'unnecessary' words now was almost painful. In cutting words and simplifying, I am also starting to get choppy...need to work on that too...
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. It was sealed, Jimmy didn't have the key, and he'd finally have enough money to retire.
Jimmy grinned all the way there. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting and Jimmy followed them. As Jimmy turned, one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of Jimmy's skull and pulled the trigger. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up into the trailer on top of the others.
Finally, 100 words. No more. No less. But still needs a lot of work. Trick now is to keep all future edits word neutral and stay at 100. Sigh. So close and yet so far.
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. It was sealed and he didn't have the key. Jimmy grinned all the way there--he'd finally have enough money to retire. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting and he followed them. As Jimmy turned around one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of his skull and pulled the trigger. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up and in on top of the others.
Better. I showed this version to a friend who is also a brilliant author. With a few nudges from him, this was the final version...
Roll With It
All Jimmy knew was that he had a load of frozen meat heading to some small town in South Carolina. Jimmy grinned as he drove down the quiet dirt road. He'd finally have enough money to retire. He parked the truck and climbed down. Three men were waiting. As Jimmy turned around one man put the muzzle of a gun to the base of his skull and fired. The other two men unlocked and opened the trailer. They swung the body up and in on top of the others. The gunman took out his phone. They needed a new driver.
I can't believe I did it. I still like the original version because while it isn't as tight as it should be some of the descriptive phrases feel right and I've been working on that part of my writing. But I like the feel of this last one. A lot.
This is not an exercise I plan on repeating anytime soon. But the lesson is in my head, in me, and that's the most important thing. Hopefully, the next time I do set out to do flash fiction I will be able to start closer to the word goal because I now know what 100 feels like, what 250 feels like...
Now if I can just get Norm to read it out loud in THAT voice...
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