To Celebrate the Passing of Another April

It was one for the record books

Wet as usual

But more from tears

Than showers

I finally forgot

To mark the passing

Of that fateful day

And instead

Made a new milestone

As I began the creation a new home

I ended the month

In anticipation of the bright flowers to come

By creating my own colors

To celebrate the passing of another April

In poetry, and yarn, and love.

A Perfect Day

I saw a group of men today
They weren't terribly old
But definitely past teenage angst
Playing ball in the park

They were all colors
From pink and tan
To brown and black
A beautiful rainbow of complexions

They laughed and joked
Elbowing each other not as part of the game
But as part of the fun
Of just being together

Their game didn't seem
To have many rules
Didn't really seem to be much
Of an actual game at all

Sometimes they were all engaged
And at others they seemed
To be just hanging out
Or catching their breath

All the while they smiled
They talked and laughed
And all I could think
Was what a perfect day it was

Soft Silk

Soft silk surrounds me
Swaddled in my own cocoon
Drifting off to sleep

There Was a Time

There was a time when I was sorry.

There was a time when I was ashamed.

There were days when I was depressed

and days when I didn't know my own name.

I've given up those feelings;

the ones that cause me pain.

I've given up on lots of things

including you accepting any blame.

So, while there was a time;

that time has now past.

I'm done with negative emotions.

I know those lessons will last.

It's time to focus on the good things;

time for me to find my bliss.

Time to experience happiness

and being hugged, and held, and kissed.

35 Posts and counting...

When I decided to post a poem a day for National Poetry Month I never imagined I would have 35 posts up by April 27th.  Posting once a day isn't really that difficult when it's only a poem. Well, at least not for me.  Though, I have to admit there were a few days where I was less than inspired.  You can tell those days by the single short entries.  Meanwhile, there were a few where I was inspired and either wrote longer pieces, or multiple entries.  

I tend to have big ideas and good intentions and crappy follow-through. So, I'm proud of myself for not wimping out and missing any days. And, yes, I know the month isn't quite over yet; but at this point I have enough faith in myself to know I'll finish it out with a poem each day.

I'm glad I did this...I'd like to continue it as long as I can. It's become a pretty cool habit. Anyway, thank you to everyone who has read any of all of these this month.  If anything strikes you in any way, I'd love your feedback (good, bad, or indifferent). Hearing people's thoughts on my writing helps me improve, and makes it all worthwhile.

I Reach for You

When the world is grey
rain falling down all around
and I can't hold back the tears
I reach for you

When the sun is shining
Bright colors blooming loud
And joy is in my soul
I reach for you

You are my comfort
When I'm lonely or in pain
You are my co-conspirator
When we're dreaming our biggest dreams

You have given me friendship and love
Courage and conviction
Kept me centered, sane, and alive
So I will always reach for you

Sometimes

Sometimes people make me sad

or frustrated

or angry

Often I shake my head

at the things people do

Occasionally my soul hurts

from the senseless acts

of so few who hurt so many

But more than anything else

people lift me up

they make me smile

tickle giggles

and make me laugh

Hopscotch

Hopscotch

Ticking watch

Give a dog a bone

Lemon cream

Tangerine dream

Bill Bailey's coming home

Perfect lives

Someone lies

Mysteries unfold

Watch the clock

It's all a crock

The secrets have been told

Count to ten

And then again

How the words they rhyme

The witch has won

It's all been done

And in the nick of time

New Day

Softly chirping birds
Golden glow from sun's first light
A joyous new day

I Love What You Do

I love what you do
To my body, my spirits
When you say my name.

Max

Biologically, a parent

is always a parent

and your child

is always your child

But there comes a time

when the child

becomes an adult

and the relationship changes

I am so glad that

over the years

we have always been friends

and that hasn't changed

What has changed

is that now 

you are an adult too

and you're still my best friend

I have talked to you

since before you were born

We've laughed at little kid things

and now grown up stuff too

We've had some rough times

but we've come through them just fine

You are a great kid

and I'm glad you're my friend.

Satisfaction

Every muscle in my body
Aches
But in that pain
There is the satisfaction
Of accomplishment

Impasse

There is a moment in time
between nothing and something
when something's gotta give.
It may only be a heartbeat,
or the time it takes
to walk away
from your heart's desire.
But there comes a point
when the time for talking
has finally passed
and the only thing left
to do is...something.
But what that something is
can only be decided
in that brief moment
of impasse...



This poem was inspired by the synopsis of a movie by the same name. The screenplay was written by Jeanne Veillete Bowerman @Jeannevb (you can read about it on her website and it will be directed by Michael Bekemeyer @Bekemeyer.


This movie is a KickStarter project. Please check it out (AND CONTRIBUTE)!! 


When I read the synopsis I was moved to tears. I know that moment of impasse all too well. I knew in that moment that I had to do whatever I could to help Mike and Jeanne get this movie made. I don't have much spare cash these days, but they don't need a lot from any one person...they just need a big 'ole bunch of us to skip a latte or two and help get the word out. So, that's what I'm doing.
Check it out. If it moves you even a little bit, please consider donating. Even $1 counts. If you have a website or blog or facebook, G+ or twitter account follow these two wonderful, creative individuals and help spread the word.

Thank you.

Clown

I see your false smile,
the one you wear
when you perform
for the kiddies and their parents

It sends a shiver
up my arms,
up my spine,
to the base of my skull.

The corners of your mouth are tight;
there is no smile
in your eyes.
You can't pretend there.

I know the clown
behind the fake smile
and that's why
I left the circus

Religion

I found religion
and promptly lost it again.
Now I don't know
what to believe
beyond you and me.

And even there I still don't know.
Those times we've been together
are the closest thing
to an old fashioned revival meeting
this side of Dixie.

Calling out to God,
Praise the Lord,
and Hallelujah too.
Promising anything,
anything to feel the rapture.

I may not know what I believe
When it comes to God
and the almighty;
But Baby, I sure as hell know
that I believe in you.

Lollipop Kisses

If the sky was round
Instead of folded
And lollipop kisses
Were passed out as wishes
I would carress your soul
With a peacock's wing
And we would dance
From here to forever.

Faults and All

Every day I understand myself
a little bit more.
I am learning my strengths
and weaknesses,
and how to improve on both
while accepting that I am perfect
exactly as I am
faults and all.

Solitary Thief

I know he's out there
Somewhere
A solitary thief in the night
The man who will one day
Steal my heart

Just Indifference

Just indifference
No emotions left for you
You're not worth hating

Sleep is Hard to Find

Sleep is hard to find
When it's you I crave instead
In my bed with me.

I Love You, Baby

I love you, Baby
That's all I need to tell you
Each and every day.

Slowly Killing Your Soul

One day you will be found out
All your secrets set free
To fly unfettered
In ways you never could

Will you be the one to release them
Or will they escape on their own?
Will they break the chains
That have held them in your past?

Every day you get a little older
Does the pain fade for you?
Or is it still knife sharp
Somewhere deep inside?

Your secrets aren't that remarkable
To anyone except you anymore
Maybe someday you'll finally be free
Of your own drama and demons

And in the meantime I will know
All the darkness in your soul
All your secrets and your shame
None of which I am to blame

So until you are found out
Hold tight to all your fears
Let the venom take hold
Slowly killing your soul.

Soft Kisses

Soft kisses my love

Sweet dreams to last the whole night

Awaken to joy

Yankee Doodle 1984--2012

Yankee Doodle

1984-2012

It's been a lifetime since Dan and I had adventures together, but I'll never forget him. He had a heart of gold, an amazing spirit, a snarky attitude, and an unforgettable personality. He was a pampered pet who lived a long and lazy existence full of love and peppermints.  He will be missed.

Don't Look Down

Standing out on the ledge
shaking from fear
and nervous energy
goosebumps crawling
over my flesh.
I'm cold,
I'm hot,
I'm scared and excited too.

I hear your voice in my head,
in my heart,
telling me to believe in myself
because you belive in me.
Deep breaths.
I calm and center myself.

Then I look down.
And the bottom falls out of my stomach,
and I'm afraid my heart will explode
at the jackhammer pace it's going,
and I'm cold,
and hot again,
and my skin is so wet from sweat
I'm afraid I'm gonna slide off the ledge,
and...

"STOP!" you say
And I do.
And we wait for my pulse to quiet.
And I'm back to taking deep breaths.
I stretch out these wings that you have given me.

Mine were broken.
You patched me back together
like a broken doll
that needed mending
and some TLC.

They are whole again.
I am whole again.
These wings are strong
they are your gift to me

The air is soft and warm
so seldom has it felt soft
usually it is harsh.
Unless I'm with you.

But today,
here on this ledge,
it feels different.
You and I are different.

"This time, don't look down"
I hear you say.
"Don't ever look down again.
You can do this.
There's nothing holding you back."

And as you say this
I feel the chains drop
from my aching frame,
from my soul.

I lift these wings,
that are your gift,
and with a gentle push
I am free to soar.

Online Friends

If we should someday pass each other
On the street or who knows where
We wouldn't even recognise the other
Since our avitars are not ourselves
Me, with my swirled yarn
Rainbow colors of Childhood
You, with a changing kalidascope of images
None of them really, completely you
But I know you in my heart
Know you in my head
We've talked for years
Shared those moments of
"Oh, shit!" And "Oh, wow!"
Silly jokes and quotes
Pushed and prodded and
Applauded and hugged each other
Because that's what friends do
They forgive the unintended
And remember the purposeful
You have been and done those things
For me in so many ways
I hope I've done them for you
People who don't get it never will
And I no longer try to explain
How online friends are so special
because first and foremost
They are friends.
And you can never have too many of those.

I Believe in Possibilities

I am the passion of purple with a bow of pink
wrapped up in my own insecurities
waiting to be opened by you
I don't just think smart is sexy
I know this to be a universal truth
the same way art is beauty
I dance to the proverbial drummer
In my kitchen alone at night
naked but for my joy
I am searching for my truth
in words, colors, texture and sound
I believe in possibilities
of love and luck and me
and maybe you.

Lollipop Dreams

Transfixed
Tightroping between yesterday and tomorrow
Don't look down!
Waterfall of doubts
Lulling me to sleep
With the white noise of failure
If I can keep them in the past
I'll wake to sunshine

Lollipop dreams
Swirl the pretty colours
Bend over
Shove this damn stick somewhere else
Details are sticky
When it's time to play
Candyland in your head
In the dark

Every Day

Every day without fail

I am grateful

for everything you have done

everything you are to me

for you.

Tired Beyond Words

Tired beyond words
Beyond any emotions
I'm calling in dead

Positive Reaffirmations

Happiness and joy are mine
as I relax, stress-free
I am reaping the rewards
of my hard work and creativity
And beauty, love, and peace
Surround me every day

These are the words I need to say
To myself every day
Positive reaffirmations
Putting the thoughts I want to be true
out into the world
so that they can be made real

This doesn't take any of the responsibility
of working hard
off of my shoulders
It's just so much better
to put forth the positive
rather than the alternative

So I'm doing my best
to keep the nasty, negative thoughts
locked up tight away from the world
Faking it till I make it as some say
while I work to make it true

Let Me Go in Peace

When I say that I know
That you are out there
Somewhere for me
I also mean You
I think
Or maybe not
You see the thing is
I really don't know
I want to
To be certain must bring
A particular kind of peace
A knowing
A certainty
We already live in such
An uncertain world
But when I look at
All of the evil, terrible things
That humans have done
To other humans
To animals
To the world in general
And think about all the creatures
Who have died horrible deaths
Billions over the course of time
So many in the name of
Religion
I have a very hard time
Believing
That this thing
Or person-like entity
That you call 'God'
By so many names
Exists
I think we're all just scared
That this is all there is
When we see things
All around us
In the beauty of the world
Mathematical coincidences
That couldn't possibly be
Coincidences
Things we can't
Or couldn't before
Explain without magic
And we want so much
For others to behave like us
Because that which we can't understand
Must be wrong
We want to scare each other
Tempt each other
Tease and coerce each other
Into being the same
Into doing what we think is right
Because our loving god
Our vengefull god
Our whatever version of god
Demands it
When really it's okay
To not understand things
It's okay to search for the answers
Without using a crutch
To explain away the unknown
To kill one another in our own names
Makes so much more sense
Than to blame a greater unknown
And the idea of loving
One another
Doesn't need to come from on high
I doubt my searching
Will yield any definitive results
And I'm okay with not believing
In any of your
Particular Truths
I'll go on letting you
Have your beliefs
I just wish you could allow me
To not have mine
I understand you truly believe
And that's fine by me
But why do you care
That I don't?
How does what I do or don't believe
Affect you?
That's my biggest rub with religion
If you are so secure
In your beliefs
And I'm going to hell
Than, for god's sake,
Yours or his or hers
Or somebody's
Let me go in peace.

Forever In Your Heart

Soft as velvet, her supple skin
You can't help touching her
The graceful curve of her hips
The small of her back
Perfection
The way she moves, teasing you
Even as you try to ignore her
Unsuccessfully
The sound of her voice
When she is in your arms
Thrills you more
Than word can explain
She is in your blood
Forever in your heart
As you are in hers

Hands of Time

The hands of time tick round
Still no sign of you
I know you're out there somewhere
Trying to get through

Each day I check for signs
That you might finally be here
Will I feel your presence
When you are near?

Tell Me

Tell me your secrets
My lover
My friend
Whisper to me
In the dark

Tell me your desires
Your needs
Your dreams
Curled up close
In each others arms

Tell me your hopes
Your goals
Your fears
So that I may
Encourage and protect you

Tell me my friend
And I'll tell you
All of mine too
For that is the meaning
Of friendship and love

One of Those Days

Most days I'm so much happier
not being in a relationship.
Well, let me rephrase that.
I have lots of relationships
and I'm in them
completely.
It's more like not being
in a romantic one
that's here and now
instead of across time and distance;
not being part of a pair.

I've grown to appreciate
that being alone
doesn't mean being lonely.

I like not having to ask permission
of anyone else
'cause for me that's what
a relationship has meant
for so long

Most days
I'm happy just being me.
Unfortunately,
today isn't one of those days;
and, I'd give anything
to be in your arms right now.

Every Time I Dance

Every note
Each word and rhythm
Makes me think of you
Pop songs, rock
Eclectic, electric
Blues and jazz too

I had lost the ability
To hear the music
Through the pain
You held me gently
So patient and kind
Until I was whole again

Now every song
Reminds me of you
Every lyric your name
From a soulful melody
To a thumping bass
They're really all the same

You are my joy
My sorrow and salvation
My everything, my chance
At a happy life again
So I fondly think of you
Every time I dance.

Starting Over

I think I remember a time 

when life wasn't quite so complicated;

but I'm not really sure.

It's all been such a blur.

I've passed so many milestones:

school, kids, family, 

and yet it feels like I'm starting over.

And, in many ways, I am.

I have so many things I want to do,

NEED to do yet;

but, so often, what I want,

what I need,

doesn't come first.

But as the children grow

I am slowly, patiently

gaining more time for me.

Now, the complication isn't

IF I can follow my dreams

but WHICH dream to follow first.

Her Fantasy

High heels and stockings with a seam
Click clack teasing as she saunters by
Flirty ruffled hem dancing against her skin
Where you wish your fingers could be

Your pulse is doing double time
With the thumping bass
Her hips punctuate the down beat
As she struts by--indifferent to you

You see her sneak a glance in your direction
But you play along and look away
She throws back her head, arches her neck
Laughing as she shakes out her mane

You play it cool pretending you don't know her
Pretending her hair wasn't wrapped around your fist
That her long slender torso wasn't arched beneath you earlier
That the sight of her doesn't make your blood race

This is her fantasy, her request
To be strangers again
To tantalize and tease you from afar
Knowing you'll do anything to make her dreams come true