I Trust You

I trust you to be you
To say things that make me think
That make me laugh
And smile
Sometimes all of the above
Sometimes I just shake my head
I trust you to take
Unlikely events and people
And mix them with science
Creating fiction
That works
In a brilliant way
I trust you to argue with me
In the good way
To make me think
Questioning beliefs
Exploring thoughts
Making me a better person
I trust you to be sexy
And even sweet
Raunchy and dirty
I trust you to be
All of these things because
I trust you to be you

Tell Me a Lie

There is a truth
In loneliness
A truth in facing
Yourself
Tell me a lie
Most days
I crave that truth
Crave those lessons
I can only learn
On my own
But there comes a time
When I've had enough truth
Enough lessons
And all I want is you
Telling me a sweet little lie
Any lie
Of love
will do
Forever
Together
So long
As you hold me
And love me
The truth is overrated
I'd rather have you

My Holiday Wish

My holiday wish
peace, joy, love, laughter, health, and
happiness to you

Christmas 2011. Thank you.

Two years ago I posted a holiday rant. I re-read it yesterday and winced at the levels of anger, frustration, disillusionment, and pure bitchiness I displayed there. And yet, I'm glad it's there. It gives me a frame of reference. It reminds me that I write these things for me. It also showed me how much I've changed over the past couple of years.

The commercialism of this time of year still drives me insane. Instead of becoming quite so angry about it, now I just do my best to avoid it. Before I was jealous that I didn't have the means to participate in the gluttony. Now I have even less and I finally realized that it's not something I wish to participate in anyway. Sometimes less really is more.

Last year I became person-non gratta on my ex's side of the family. It hurt like hell to be kicked to the curb by people I love and respect. It angered me that they only saw his side. And, it took me a while to understand that of course that's what they are going to do. I finally saw how silly it was for me to think anything else would or should happen. I still miss some of them terribly, but I'm finally at peace with this part of how the divorce has impacted my life.

I've never liked family gatherings. This year, I'm getting a huge dose of irony. This year I won't have to suffer through the family gathering because the only family still living in the same part of the country as me is my youngest sister and we hardly speak. I'm closer to my mom than I've ever been in my adult life and now they are embarking on a new adventure by moving down to Florida. I guess this is a lesson in karma for me. Duly noted. As much as I miss my parents, I am happy that our relationships have improved. This is so much better than having them close by and not speaking. So, while I miss them, I am also happy for them and hope they find happiness and adventures where they are now.

We had an artificial tree for years and last year, like every thing else around here, it finally broke beyond the possibility for repair. The ex got a real tree for the first time in years and we had a very tense holiday still under the same roof. This year I can't afford a new fake tree and didn't even consider a live one. I don't have the money anyway, didn't want to kill a tree, and if I did it would just be a fire hazard as I wouldn't remember to water it. So, for the first time in ages, no tree. I'm okay with that. I'm glad to not get the ornaments out and go through all of the memories that each one holds. I worry about how the boys are with this change, but they seem to be taking it in stride.

I am looking forward to celebrating with my boys this year; starting some new traditions based not on judeo-christian beliefs that I don't necessarily share, but on a sense of family, love, togetherness, and creativity. Christmas dinner will not be a re-telling of Thanksgiving. This year we're going to make one of our favorite foods, pizza, together. Max is still lobbying for either Chinese food or a pizza delivery. But he's been out voted and we will be having a pizza building festival of food that night.

The hardest thing about the holidays for me is that Jake is still young enough to believe in Santa. It would be a lot easier if he didn't. He already knows that money is tight. But he hasn't made the leap from Mom has no money to Santa has no money. Because, thankfully, for him Christmas is still about magic.

A few weeks ago I was really upset about the holidays. I can barely afford to get the kids a few items of clothing and didn't know how to explain to Jake that Santa wasn't going to be bringing much to our house this year. A friend told me to not worry about it; that every kid deserved at least one fun thing from Santa, and she wanted to play Santa to my boys this year. I had a hard time accepting that someone would want to do something like this for me and my family. Meanwhile, presents have arrived this week and I'm finally starting to feel the same kind of excitement that Jake feels at the upcoming visit from Santa.

I've already received so many gifts this year. I have three sons that I am so proud of and love with all my heart. I am in a good place with my parents. I have a job that I love working with great co-workers where I get to spend my day helping people. I am constantly inspired by and in awe of the world around me in all its beauty and mystery. And, I have been blessed to have so many amazing people come into my life these past two years as friends and teachers.

So, my friend is playing Santa in the form of some fun things for the boys; but she's given me the best gifts I've ever received; her love and friendship, and the desire to one day repay her kindness and generosity by paying it forward to someone else.

Thank you.

Fragile Winter Sky

Fragile winter sky
Robin's egg blue
Purple storm clouds
Threaten
To crack the shell

Feline Therapist

Rumbling motor soothes
Kneading massage relaxes
Feline therapist

A Lover's Glance

Liquid silk
Warm like your laughter
Envelopes me
Holds me
Soft waves caressing
Joy softly washes over
As I float in the smile
Of your eyes

Venturing Out Into the Unknown

The unknown is a terrifying place
I am learning that every day
I hate it
But I can't get to a better place
Without first venturing out into the unknown


Originally published November 17, 2010

Even More

Sounds and syllables strung together
in just the right ways
form your words
and make me love you
even more


Originally published November 16, 2010

Those Who Love Me Best

Sneaking up behind
to tickle your neck and ear
favorite torture.

I have many names
called "Evil" and "Trouble" by
those who love me best.

Originally published November 15, 2010

Burn Brightly

A couple of words
silly little words from you
make me smile all day.

With words and a smile
you infuse my soul with light
and I burn brightly.


Originally published November 15, 2010

Sleep Eludes Me

Sleep eludes me
yet again
I turn my thoughts to you
and finally fall asleep
with a smile on my face.

Originally published November 14, 2010

Good Morning

The soft light kisses

those little lines on your face

lines of character.

Tracing sunlit lines

of sweetness on sleeping skin

debating waking.

Day is beckoning

so along with the sunlight

I gently wake you.

Originally published November 14, 2010

The Best Things in Life

Having friends you trust

who support and stand by you

the best things in life.

Originally published November 12, 2010

Reviews: Legends by Paul E. Cooley

Legends is a combination of two stories, "The Last Hunter" and "Keepers". These are the first two entries in an ongoing series that combines ancient history, ancient mysteries, gods, monsters, love and loss. These first two stories introduce a creature--god? monster? yes!--and those who have been tasked with fighting him and making sure no one ever forgets the legends of the beast.

At a time when civilizations were first being formed, numerous religions fought for worshipers and influence. Many of their traditions and ideals seem strange to us now, but none as strange as Garaaga. As the stories unfold, the reader is forced to look at Garaaga, Garaaga's children, his worshippers, and those who would rid them all from the ancient landscape from multiple viewpoints; causing the reader to question who is good and who is evil.

There is a bitter sweetness to these stories. Cooley has added elements of love and lust to tales that are at other times brutally violent. The result is a rich tapestry of emotions and actions guaranteed to leave the reader begging for more.

At just $ 0.99 for both of these stories together, it's a deal you shouldn't pass up.  You can find this newest offering at Amazon.

Disclaimer: Paul is one of my closest friends. I beta read his work and did the female voices for these stories in the podcast versions. I am obviously biased about him and his writing. He did not ask for (or even know I was going to do) this review. Check his work out for yourself and we can compare notes. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Sails Unfurled

Sails unfurled in the dawning light
Wet with morning dew
Hoisted aloft to dry in the warmth of a new day
Bright and beautiful against an azure sky
The wind will push against them
And they against the wind
Travelling the world in search of love and life
A butterfly fluttering by

Procastination

Procrastination

can be about many things

like being afraid.

Originally published November 13, 2010

Learning

We are all students

in a lifetime of learning

what can you teach me?

Some of life's lessons

I must fail before I learn

eventually.

Determination

is all that is required

to learn anything.

Originally published November 12, 2010

Of God and Souls

I look in your eyes
and can see into your soul
and know your heart too.

If God were scattered
little pieces each a soul
you and I connect.

There are no soul mates
only pieces connecting
to form a new whole.

Your soul shines brightly
pushing away the darkness
lighting up my world.

God is in us all
pieces of the universe
bound in flesh and blood.




Originally published November 11, 2010

The Poet

When I write poetry I usually have a thought or feeling in mind when I start.  I usually narrow it down to a word or two and then I hold this idea gently at the front of my mind.  In my mind's eye I see this 'thing'.  I turn it around; caressing it, and let the words come to me.  Often it takes a number of these little poems for me to feel that I am satisfied with my expression of whatever the thought or feeling was.

My poetic forms of preference are the haiku (often the subform of the senryu) and the gogyohka.  These little poems are meant to stand alone.  Yet, I usually have a string of them that as a larger whole becomes a different sort of piece completely.

While I like the results I have achieved in these super-sized versions, I am learning to trust these little poems by themselves or in smaller groups.  So, the next few posts will be truer to the nature of these forms than I have been in the past.  In doing this, I am also forcing myself to work harder to get complete thoughts down in a much smaller space.

Please leave comments if anything strikes you in any way, good or bad.  The only way I improve at anything I do in life is through feedback.

As always, thank you for spending some of your precious time and thought visiting here.

My darling poet

empty your heart on the page

tell me your desire.

You are so quiet

your poems, so eloquent

sing your unsaid words.

Originally published November 11, 2010

Standing at the Water's Edge

I walk down to the ocean
Carrying my fears and insecurities
Hesitantly I step onto the sand
Weak, fragile, and alone
I falter and stumble
Wobbling in the shifting sand
Feeling my way to the water
One sinking, sliding step at a time
I grow tired, my burden heavy
Leaden legs the pain spreading
I unburden my load and rest
Forgetting it on the sand
Trudging onward
I fall into a rhythm
Letting myself look ungainly
Because it feels right

The more I relax
And let the sand dictate my pace
The easier it is to move
And my footing becomes firm
With each step forward
I gain new confidence
Focusing on relaxing
Feeling my strength grow
The roar of the ocean unnerving
A cacophony of sounds
Drowning out my thoughts
Bringing a deafening silence
The sea salt spray sandblasts
Wearing away self-doubt
Eroding my facade
I am left with me

The dawn slowly lifts
Newly born out of the waves
Pink and peach then glowing golden
Bringing light and warmth
For a moment as it rises
The sun seems trapped
Against the crashing surf
I wonder at the unseen chains
Sympathizing, I have my own
Invisible shackles pulling me down
Struggling spirits united
Breaking free to soar
I tentatively move closer
The waves and the water pull me in
Calling in a voice
That only the soul can hear

I am afraid of the deep, the unknowing
Fearing what lies beneath
I am alone and vulnerable
Easy prey for my fears
Testing the water
Feeding the waves one toe at a time
Hungrily they lick at me
Eating away my fears
The water is cool yet warm
How is that possible?
Impossibly soothing
Calming my fears
Standing at the water's edge
Listening, feeling, smelling
Senses reeling
I am finally centered




Originally published October 8, 2010

Life isn't Life

Will you know the soul

that was cleaved from yours

by the sound of a voice?

By the words

as they are spoken?

By the look in their eyes?

Will you know

that soul

at all?

Or will they brush past you

escaping

into eternity?

Every day that passes

Lonely

without you

is one day closer

to being together

again.

Riotous colors

intoxicating scents

layers of flavor and meaning;

life isn't life

without the richness of things

or you.






Originally published September 24, 2010

In Your Shadow

I am content

to stand in your shadow

sit at your feet

watching, listening, learning from you

for now.

One day soon

I will take your words

stack them end to end

climb up and jump off

and soar.

Until then

I am content

filling my mind

and my soul

with you.

Originally published September 23, 2010

Good and Evil

Evil may lurk

in the hearts of men

but it takes

a woman

to unleash it

Soulful siren bewitching all

enticing others to do your bidding

taking pleasure and pain

greedy whore

taking all

Is it ever truly possible to reconcile a person

balance good and evil

profane and profound

no

accept them as they are and move on

Originally published September 22, 2010

Blood, Guts, and Gore

Brain matter

fecal matter

blood, guts, and gore

Geesh! The things my friends write

I love them in spite of it

Every once in a while

I find myself getting sucked in

their words crafted so artfully

the build-up so slow and delicious

FUCK!

Sleepless Insecurity

You haunt my dark night

thoughts of you send me sleepless

into tomorrow.

My voice's echo

reverberates around me

it too is alone.

The night's blackness clings

an inky residue left

hanging on my soul.

No point in crying

 only insecurity

to share in my tears.

The cricket's chirping

lullabye for other souls

mocks my dreamless state.

As the world slumbers

alone awake and alone

my sentence final.

As the dark night lifts

ushering in the new day

so lifts my spirit. 

At dawn's first flicker

ember of hope glows in me

as I wait for you.

My fragility

held down so well in the light

runs free in the dark.

I question myself

I question all that I know

when left with myself.

I can't ask my friends

to be at my beck and call

because I am weak.

A heavyness falls

slowly drifting down on me

perhaps now I'll sleep

I am not myself

when fear and lonliness strike

or am I more me? 

Friends see my failings

they give encouragement, love

they don't exploit them. 

Rationality

doesn't always play a part

in how things affect.

For example: You.

Loving you was not my plan

and yet it happened. 

Eyelids closing now

thoughts of you help me relax

holding you in dreams.

Originally published September 13, 2010

I Will Know

Will I know your voice
If I'm in a crowded room
And you say my name?

I will know your love
When I kiss your sweet, soft lips
And you kiss me back

Will I know your face
If I pass you on the street
And you glance my way?

I will know your soul
When I look into your eyes
And see myself there.

Will I know your touch
If I stumble walking by
And you steady me?

I will know my life
When you are there beside me
And two becomes one

Reviews: Dead Mech by Jake Bible

There are a few things to keep in mind when reading this review.  First of all, I usually hate zombie stories.  I just don't get them.  The whole coming back to life to eat the living thing is patently stupid (imho). Not to mention scientifically preposterous. Secondly, I'm not a big fan of post-apocalyptic stories.  They are just too damn depressing and dreary for my tastes. And, Finally, I have a low tolerance for blood, guts, gore, and violence--the ick factor.  Well, I used to anyway...

I listened to the podcast version of Dead Mech and bought the ebook version because Jake is a friend.  I'll try anything at least once and twice if a friend is involved.  Reading and listening were both wonderful experiences but for different reasons.  I highly recommend both.  

This novel is unique in that it is the first drabble novel.  A drabble is a piece of flash fiction that is exactly 100 words.  Not 99.  Not 101.  I tried my hand at this form of writing last year and wrote about the process here. It was a very good experience for me, but not something I plan on repeating anytime soon.  Jake wrote this story one drabble at a time.  Each one is a complete thought, often a scene, sometimes a part of a scene.  But, each is a perfect drabble.  This alone astonishes me and made the read very enjoyable.  Because of the nature of a drabble the writing is tight and precise.

Jake is a natural storyteller and hearing the book read by him was a joy. Dead Mech was his first podcasting experience and he learned and improved as he went; but it is good from the very first episode and only gets better.

For me, the thing that is the biggest determining factor in whether or not I like a story isn't the plot, or the genre, or the setting...it's the characters.  If the writer can bring the characters to life and make me care about them, I'll follow them damn near anywhere.  Jake does that beautifully here.  The story lines are all good and tightly interwoven. But, the characters are real and memorable. I was surprised to realize when listening to his Q & A episode afterwards that he never gave full descriptions to any of the characters.  Yet, even now, I still see them all clearly in my mind.  And somehow I know the Rookie has blue eyes.  Trust me on that.

Remember the objections I listed at the beginning of this: zombies, post-apocalyptic, and the ick factor? Well, this is about giant mechanized war machines in a post-apocalyptic world where not only are there zombies, but the mechs themselves become zombies...throw in some cannibalism and cage fighting and well, there you have it.  Even with all of that, I absolutely LOVED this book.  That's how wonderful the characters are and how fine a job Jake did with the writing.

There were moment when I laughed till I cried; others where I just cried.  I finally get zombie stories--it's NOT about the zombies.  The zombies are just the obstacle for the heroes to conquer.

This book is available in free podcast format at Podiobooks.com and in paperback and ebook versions at all the typical retailers.  Jake is currently podcasting a second novel that happens at the same time as Dead Mech, a sidequel as it were...  That Jakey, he's always gotta be different...

Jake's website
Amazon
B & N
Podiobooks



***Disclaimer***
I am not a professional critic (though I am rather critical of some things some days, but I digress).  I occasionally will post a review of something I have enjoyed that I think is worth your time and/or money. I don't as a general rule put up negative reviews.  Not because I love everything I see, hear, or read; but rather because I know how hard people work on these things and I have no intention of being overly critical.  I would rather just not say anything than trash someone else's hard work. I usually know the people involved and want to do whatever I can to get their wonderful work out to more people.  However, I don't write these because my friends created the work. I write them because I truly enjoyed the work itself.  I receive no remuneration of any kind for any review I write.  

Secrets

I have secrets
things I hide
from everyone
everyone
but you

He told me
what a terrible person I am
he told me
and I believed him
I believed for so long

He knew me best
he knew my secrets
he knew me
so I had to believe him
had to

I told you my secrets
terrified you would tell me too
what a terrible person I am
you laughed and held me
I've loved you ever since

You have taught me
that we are more
than just our secrets
that I am more
than mine

So I stopped believing him
and started trusting myself
believing
in myself
thank you

Stuck

I want to
need to
write
but the words
are stuck.

Thoughts are stuck in my head feelings in my heart
neither can find their way
out
onto the paper.

Balance

There is death and dying
Trouble and pain
Everywhere we look
Everyday around us
Always
But there is light and life
Laughter and children
Love and kindness too
It's up to us
To find them
We move through this world
Through ages and stages
Dealing with both extremes
And everything else
In between
We grow in understanding
As we age
Learning the universe
All its mysteries
Pleasure and pain
Appreciating the happy times
Doesn't make the sad easier
Knowing they existed
And will again
Can help
We take our turns
Being the one in pain
We also spend time
Being the one supporting
We balance each other
Yesterday I was in pain
Today I offer my shoulder
To you
It's the least I can do
For my friend.

Reviews: The Golden Age of the Solar Clipper: The Share Series by Nathan Lowell

Millions of books are published every year. Many are worth your time. Some are great stories. Few have characters that become a part of you; characters you genuinely care about; characters you wish you knew in real life. Ishmael Horatio Wang (rhymes with gong) is one of those characters.

The books in this series--and thankfully there are six, though I still wish there were more--are Quarter Share, Half Share, Full Share, Double Share, Captain's Share, and Owner's Share. A share is just that, a share in the profits of a trading ship. These ships ferry goods between worlds in the not so distant future.

These are not stories of epic space battles, or alien invasions. These are the stories of a boy becoming a man and facing the sort of personal challenges such a journey entails. He struggles with personal character issues in ways many of us wish we could. Ishmael is an imperfect person, as are we all, and he experiences triumphs, tragedies, love, and loss with a truly unique and endearing style.

If you are looking to read about epic space battles, these books aren't for you. If, however, you want to go on the journey of a lifetime, with characters you will forever hold dear in your heart, welcome aboard.

You can find these wonderful stories in a variety of formats (including free podcasts) at the following locations:

Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Podiobooks

And for more information, other works, podcasts, and info on what Nate is up to visit his site, NathanLowell.com.




***Disclaimer***
I am not a professional critic (though I am rather critical of some things some days, but I digress).  I occasionally will post a review of something I have enjoyed that I think is worth your time and/or money. I don't as a general rule put up negative reviews.  Not because I love everything I see, hear, or read; but rather because I know how hard people work on these things and I have no intention of being overly critical.  I would rather just not say anything than trash someone else's hard work. I usually know the people involved and want to do whatever I can to get their wonderful work out to more people.  However, I don't write these because my friends created the work. I write them because I truly enjoyed the work itself.  I receive no remuneration of any kind for any review I write.  

Circular Logic

Circular logic
Coming back to square
Thoughts spiralling
Escher's fantasy is my reality
Pen and ink
Seeping through layers of consciousness
Staining morality
Play on words

Time travelling
Back to the future
A special circle in hell
Love crafted with unthinkable
The future was a remake
Of a past whose best days are his story
Written in the books
I'll write hers in mine

A Friend Like You

I can not find words
To express my gratitude
For a friend like you

I am not worthy
Of your generosity
But I accept it

You tell me gently
Pay it forward when you can
I will. I promise.

You are a great friend
Even without this kindness
Thank you. I love you.

Little Steps

Little steps
Most taken forward
Some taken back
Circles and serpentines
Taken one step at a time

Little lessons
Things learned
And unlearned
Through conversations with friends
And self assessment

Little memories
Come creeping in
The occasional good thought
Sadly, most are not
But making better ones now

Little goals
Mark each day
Simple things
Strung end to end
Help me achieve bigger things

Little laughs
Where before
There were sighs
Happiness is possible
I am proof

Little moments
Of love and laughter
Contentment and joy
Because I have you
In my life

Only In My Dreams

Time to close my eyes

and feel your arms around me

only in my dreams

Sexy Fedora

Making a statement
Face hidden beneath the brim
Sexy fedora.

Your Voice

Your voice in my ear
Telling me to just hang on
Saves me from myself

Your hands wrapped in mine
The one I can never have
Yet love anyway.

Your eyes looking down
Into mine as we make love
Say things your mouth can't.

Your arms holding me
Tightly, gently, protecting
As I do the same

Your soul belongs here
Inside me wrapped around mine
Each the other's love

In the Pre-dawn Dark

In the pre-dawn
Dark
I slowly
Wake
To the sound
Of a soft
Steady
Rain
Gently
Reminding me
That you are not
Here

Because I Love You

Because I love you
I want you to be happy
whatever that means.

If it isn't me
to be your one and only
I will still love you.

You Too

Sometimes a heartbreak
Is inevitable
And you see the signs
Long before you finally
Confront it

When the person you love
Leaves you for another
Knowing they will be happier
And being truly happy for them
Lessons the pain if only a little.

Focus on that love
Hope for their happiness
And know that one day
You too
Will find happiness.

A Moment

There is a moment
of crystal clear clarity
when you find your love.
And in that moment
you see life and love and truth
and the angels sing.

I am Your Shelter

I am your shelter
from the storm that life becomes
you are safe in me.
When the cold winds howl
take refuge here in my arms
I will protect you.
Let the storm rage on
we can endure anything
when we're together.

Cool Water

where consciousness and dreams meet

magical place to explore

hiding in plain sight in shadows

realms of darkness in your soul

twisting, spinning, dancing aloft

dizzying spirals

riding the warm updrafts 

butterfly wings

molten lava, angry flames unleashed

hell-hound's fury just barely contained

waiting to spring

cool water, soul restoring

calming, soothing

you kissing me

originally published 9/2/10

I want to be...

I want to be
Your possession
Your treasure
Your magic potion
Giving you love
And strength
And joy
And peace
Healing you
Loving you
Your equal
Your everything

originally published 8/11/10

"Don't Wanna Do" was originally titled "Action and Inaction". It was written in a minute and then I spent the next 30 worrying about what HE would think about it. It was that process of debating how someone would interpret my work that led me to the decision to pull all creative and/or personal works down from my blog.

I am so glad I made that decision; it was the right one at the time. It led me to create ChocolateScotch. Deciding to put my work back up was also the right decision. I had to first get to the point where I was publishing my words for ME; not for anyone else, not because of anyone else, by me and for me.

That little poem means a lot to me. I've learned a lot about myself since it was first written. I've learned how important my words are to me. I've learned that when I need help, all I have to do is ask. I've learned that I have amazing friends who are so very gifted. I've learned a lot about myself; how I work, how I deal with things. I've learned how to handle my depression and keep it from handling me.

That's a lot to put on a simple little poem. But I'm pretty sure it and the woman who wrote it can handle the load.

Don't Wanna Do

Lists of must do
should do
have to do

Don't wanna do
not gonna do
you can't make me do

The child in me screams
and cries
throwing a bloody fit

The adult in me sighs
shrugs off another round of depression
and gets to work

Dance Naked

Her fingers are shorter and thicker than you would imagine a pianist would have
But she stretches past an octave and a third with sheer determination
And knows Beethovan as intimately as her lover
Those same fingers seek out the dial and search for a different sound
Her heart skips the downbeat when the next song comes on
And her foot taps to the rhythm before she consciously recognises artist or title
The music owns her soul and her body too
Her arms criss-cross around her in an odd embrace
And she pulls her dress up and off as she twirls unencumbered by cloth or self-consciousness
Her joy is her own flowing out like a geyser
Erupting from the deep spring that is her soul
And she dances naked across her kitchen singing for all she is worth.

In stitches

I use my needles
To have a conversation
In stitches with yarn

Different Doesn't Need To Be Fixed

This morning when I was tweeting all the stuff I had to do and how much I was getting accomplished a friend replied that she wished she had my energy. I first told her that I had been really lazy yesterday so this is what I get. I then went on to tell her that I tend to procrastinate and then work like hell and that is just one more thing I need to work on.
And then I thought about that statement. I've learned my personal style or preference for how I go about things. Give me a deadline and I will meet it. I won't be early, but I will be on time. What's wrong with that? Nothing. That's what.
I understand the mindset of not being comfortable doing nothing when there is something to be done and wanting to get whatever it is done first so that all obligations are met. I understand it, I can't live it.
This difference in styles is one of the fundamental differences between my ex and myself. And, for the longest time I bought into the idea that there was something wrong with me for not having the drive to do it his way. That I was lazy for not getting right on something that needs to be done.
But I have come to learn that I don't operate that way. Like I said, give me a task and give me a due date, and I'll get it done by that date. And, there's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people have the very same work style.
For me, life is more about understanding and accepting myself and others than about finding fault and trying to change things that work for me just because they don't work for someone else. Are there things about myself that I think need to be changed? Absolutely. Is this one of them? Not by a longshot.
So, he (and those that work the same way he does) can get it done first and then bask in their early achievement. I, on the other hand, will procrastinate right up to that critical point when I turn on the afterburners and work like hell.
It may not work for him, or you. But, it works for me and that's what matters. It is, afterall, MY style of doing things.
And, just because it's different, doesn't mean it needs to be fixed.

Color Sense

I started to think
About the senses
And how we experience
The world, in all its richness
Around us
And before touch
Or taste, or smell
Or hearing, or even sight
The word, color
Popped into my head
I tried to dismiss it
Thinking it just a part of sight
And a flash of brightness
Came to mind
And I felt the heat of red
I thought of yellow
And tasted the sour
I thought of pink
And smelled the sweetness
All at the same time
I heard the orchestra
Swell with purple and black
Chartreuse has a peculiar smell
Maybe that's why it's taken me
So long to embrace it
This sense of color
Touches, twines around
Is part of
And yet, separate from
All my other senses
It enhances them
Modifies them
But is something I feel
Completely separately
A perfect thing all its own
So in thinking
About my senses
I've discovered
The most important sense of all
My sense of color

Life Vest

Words wrap around me
Protecting and comforting
Thoughts are my life vest

Happily Adrift

Floating on a sea
Of peace and tranquillity
Happily adrift

For So Long

when you're not aware 

that something is missing in your life 

you feel nothing about it.

you don't know what you don't know

but when someone pulls back the curtain

and exposes the giant gapping whole in your life

in your soul, 

your very existance...

you don't know you're missing something 

until it completes you

you can't help but feel 

an exquisite sort of pain
heartbreaking emptiness

that the missing part 

not only IS missing

but that it HAS BEEN missing...

for so long