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Saturday, February 25, 2012

I Write Poems

I write poems
because I believe in words
I believe in feeling
things deeply
completely
examining the world around me
examining myself
stirring up the emotions
and throwing the words that bubble
to the surface
of who I am
who I have been
and who I am meant to be
at the paper in front of me
and seeing what sticks

I write poems
to free myself
from me
to give myself
to you
to search my soul for you
and share the lessons I and we learn
exposing the truth of what I have lived
the hope of who I am becoming
writing the words that are
the double edged sword
of joy and pain
that life delivers as twins
birthed from the living of life
surviving and thriving in the sharing
of simple words 
that say so much

Thursday, February 23, 2012

One Person

I remember the day
You came into my life
We had ordinary conversations
And yet they were more than that

Little did I know
That day I first met you
How you would change my life
In so many ways

I can hear you now
Telling me how you've hurt me
But you couldn't be
More wrong

You were that one person
Who believed in me
When I didn't believe
In myself

You gave me strength
When I was weak
Love when I felt unlovable
And most of all hope

It only takes one person
To make a difference
And for me
You will always be that person

Thank you, my friend
For loving me unconditionally
And telling me I deserve to be loved
Even though I am so flawed

Thank you, my love
For putting up with my insecurities
As I learned to be secure
As you taught me so much

You are just one person
Flawed and yet perfect
Wise and gentle and wonderful
One person I'll always love

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Roller Coaster

Pride lifts me up
Fear sends me crashing back down
Again

I think of you
And I'm giddy, soaring
Then I stumble
Suddenly I'm disappointed
Back down to the depths

Someone hands me hope
And I can hear the gears
Click-clacking as I climb again

I know every up
Comes with a down
So much of this is out of my control
But you and me
Shouldn't be

I'm waiting for the next fall
Holding my breath
Scared that it will be you

Your sweet voice
Cuts through the interminable
Noise of the links pulling my car up the steep hill
Suddenly the car is pulling to the platform
And I wake in your arms

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Our Words Dance

Our words dance
Around our separate truths
Listening to discern
Our commonality
And a new truth together

Saturday, February 18, 2012

My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear
(it crippled me,
left me sobbing on the floor,
completely paralyzed)
was to be alone

Was, because I finally understand
that even when you aren't here
I will never
ever
be completely alone

I am deeply loved
completely loved
unconditionally
across time and distance
Loved

Now there is nothing 
to fear
nothing I can not do
because I am loved
by you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Love

Loves laughter
Dancing on the sweet
Scent of desire
Warm
Wet
Gently floating amid patience
When the strength and security
Of your arms
Reaches out
Wraps me up
Like a present tied with a velvet bow
Pulling me in
And when butterflies kiss
Fluttering heartbeats
Soft moans
Spill over flooding
Then and only then
Silently treading
Tiptoeing
Gently knocking on my soul's door
Heart opened
You walk in
And I am home
My love

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The Price of Freedom

The price of freedom
how we chose to measure that
measures us as well.

If measured in coins
then at what price do we sell
our bodies and souls?

If measured in time
do we count in years or days?
How long is too long?

If measured in tears
we will surely float away
a river of pain.

But measured in hopes
in candles flickering glow
a price gladly paid.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

When Souls Become Twined

When souls become twined
Each the other has a piece
Together always.

Snuggling

Snuggled close to you
wrapped safely in your arms
not moving
not talking
just breathing you in
the scents of love
and lust
and desire
mixing together
in the heady aroma
of you
and me
neither one of us
needing anything
no agendas
no nothing
just the two of us
breathing

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Walking In a Dream

My feet fall softly
On the carpet of dead leaves
Long forgotten memories
From summers past
Death's cliché of dirt
Fallen from grace

How many steps
Have I taken down this path?
I did not think to count
When first I stumbled here
I awoke. As if from a dream
Darkness all around me

Warm golden light
Dapples through the canopy
Until the dark closes in
And the blackness presses close
The steady passage of time
Marked between

There are no birds here
No insects or animals
The only sounds
Are the wind and my footfalls
Counting out the measure
Of a solitary march

There is a fog
Once thick and dark
That is gradually lifting
Each day as the sun filters through
More and more of its gentle warmth
Pushes through to warm my soul

I have no memory
Of when I started
I know where I came from
But not where I am going
Suddenly finding myself here
Off balance between then and what?

I measure my progress
Not in feet or footfalls
Not in days or miles
Nor in the aches in my exhausted frame
But in the warmth I feel
As the fog lifts from my soul

While I don't know where
This lonely path is leading
Or how long it will take me
To reach the end
I do know that you are waiting there
And that keeps me moving

Saturday, January 28, 2012

It Was Dark That Day

It was dark that day
I ripped out my heart for you
and walked to the light

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Words I Love and You

The words fall
From your pen
Through your fingers
Spilling from your lips
Droplets of sound
Raining down meaning
Love and sex and pain and yearning
Desire transformed aloud
Aching I reach for you
Fill me with your essence
Your words in physical form
Speak me into meaning
Transfixed by the rhythm
The droplets splashing on the page
Merging with my wetness
As you quench my thirst
What can I ask my love
That you have not answered
With your words
Stroked against my skin
Magical words collide
Poured out into mine
Raging rivers of passion
Tides ebbing out to sea
Salt water emotions
Form rivers on my face
Experiential transformation
Baptismal font of words
Sweat slicked and sated
Gasping out the last
droplets of desire
Words I love and you

Monday, January 23, 2012

Finally Home Again

At the beginning of time
Souls intertwined
Perfection melted together
One entity
In peace
And love
Shattered to hell
Cursed
Damned
Good and evil coexist
Evil left it's mark
Scattering pieces to the winds
And so we search
For those pieces
That fit into us
Those people
That are a part of us
And make us whole
When I hold you
In my arms
And look in your eyes
I see a little piece of me
That was missing for so long
Finally home again

The Music of Your Soul

I hear the music 
of your soul 
the syncopated rhythm 
of your love 
and I dance.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Set Fear Aside

There comes a time
When you must set fear aside
Each moment leading up to that time
Is more painful than the last
As fear closes in
Squeezing every cell
Every fiber
Of your being
Until the simple act
Of expanding your lungs
Is a near-impossible feat of perseverance
Pushing your will power
To live
To survive
Beyond what you think are your limits
Only to find
When you finally say
ENOUGH
I can't live like this
And you step past the fear
Dropping it like the baggage it is
That not only can you now breathe
But that the air is sweet
And full of hope
And love
And you are so much
Stronger
So much more
Alive
So much more
You.
But only after you take that first
Seemingly impossible
Step
And set fear aside.
It's not impossible.
And it is time.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

What You Can Do

I am a content creator. One of the first things I learned when I was studying photography was the copyright laws and how they applied to the latent image on the film from the moment the exposure is made. That's right, for those of you that grew up post actual film, the image (and its ownership) is sacred and copywritten the instant it exists in the camera.  Protecting that copywrite was a very different matter back then and possession was nine tenths of the law, as the expression goes.  The negative was a physical thing that couldn't be duplicated by a simple click of the mouse. Publication wasn't instantaneous and world wide.

Today, theft and piracy are constant threats for anyone who creates art and content and publishes it electronically. We are all on guard constantly to make sure that not only is our material not being used without our express authorization, but also that we are not leaving ourselves vulnerable to theft by corporations with questionable terms of service contracts.

As terrible as online piracy is, and the threat is real, the answer is not government censorship, or the potential ability to censor.  Censorship of legitimate activities because of the potential bad behavior of others is not how I want my country to be run.  I don't want a bunch of rich white men who don't know an IP address from an IHoP telling me what I can or can't put up on MY sites.

Being anti-SOPA or anti-PIPA does not mean I am for piracy, it means I am against my government trying to regulate something it's ruling membership doesn't even understand by means of censorship at the expense of the innocent.

Today, this site went dark in solidarity with hundreds of thousands of other websites large and small to boycott the pending SOPA and PIPA legislation. But, we need your help to make our point to the elected officials that want to curtail our rights to put our content up without the risk of censorship.

Please contact your representatives to Congress and tell them that if they support these bills, instead of the internet going dark, it will be the lights in their district offices going dark when we vote them out of office.

You can find your representative and their contact information HERE.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Stop SOPA



Please tell you representatives in congress that you oppose the proposed SOPA legislation.
On January 18, 2012 I will be refraining from tweeting, posting on facebook or Google+, and posting here.  My site, ChocolateScotch.com will be down from 8am-8pm est.  

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Max's List

We have always kept a grocery list on the refrigerator.  The theory is that when you notice you are using the last of something (or god forbid getting close to the last of something) or you want something that we are already out of you write it on the list.  The truth is that more often than not I'm the one to write most of the stuff down.  When the kids first attempt to write something (like candy) on the list in beginner penmanship it has been amusing.  Never, has it purposefully been used for comic effect.  Until now...

This morning as I went to the fridge to get the butter for my toast and the milk for my latte I noticed writing on the list.  I had gone to the grocery store just a couple of days ago, I knew I hadn't started a new list yet, and the younger kids are with their dad this weekend.  

Hmmm...I wonder what Max wants from the store?

Vodka
Tequila
Strippers
Fireworks (the big illegal kind)
Happy-in-a-can
Monkeys
Midgets
Midget-Monkeys

*SNORT* Good thing I wasn't already drinking my tea...

Now I wonder how long he's been waiting for me to notice...

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Saved

You saved my life
Damn you!
Why did you do that?
We both know
I am strong enough now
To save myself
But for what?
I love you
Beyond all reason
And can never have you
So I'm not sure
What the point is
Anymore
Of anything
And since you don't want me
Why you bothered
To save me
From myself
When now it's you
I need saving from

Crap

I am writing
Crap
Thoughts swirling
Torturing
Disemboweling me
And all I can write is
Crap
My brains are oozing out my ears
Art
Ideas
Pain
Images of beauty
Thoughts of suicide
A banal existence
Torture
Freud
And Sherlock
Webster
And Barnum
Candy-ass
Wise-ass
Hocus pocus clowns on parade
And you
Pressure from all sides
Pinching my nipples
Making me squirm
Life
Equations about money
And fairness
Numbers should be
The happiest of things
Create something new
Something
The world can't do without
Something
Razor-bladed truth
Vivisected
Dipped and dunked
In bile
Love and longing
Fantasies of paranoia
Coping mechanisms
That destroy innocence
We are all innocent
Guilty of other crimes
Of being something new
Even as we age
Of wanting more
Out of less
Artists
Musicians
Mystic healers
Opening doors and minds
Let me in, dammit
It's cold out here
In the darkness of my mind
Bright colors
Of love and lust
Contradictions
Emotion
Logic
The train has left the station
And I missed my ride
Ghosts haunting
Dickens words
When all else fails
Reinvent the classics
Originality is a myth
My pain is not new
My heart is not broken
Continuity
From generation to generation
Songs and stories
Are the same
These thoughts swirling
Are not new
Just disturbing
Senseless
Crap