Excitement

I can feel the excitement building

it's a palpable thing

slowly, steadily

each day taking a deep breath

gets just a little bit harder

I can't wait to see them all

to see you

friends who know me

and understand me

and love me anyway

friends who celebrate quirkiness

and creativity

who know that an unfinished project

is not a sign of laziness

but that a louder muse called

to be hugged and held

and yes, even kissed

to let out that breath

that I've been holding

for almost a year now

but with all the excitement

there is also fear

old issues I get closer to being past each year

new issues that come with all of the changes

of this new life

they sneak up on me

in that instant just after

they are cold hands

sliding over my skin

trying to pull me down

your warmth and love

chase them away

the same way you've helped me

chase all the other fears away

these past few years

so when the fear sneaks in

I will think of you

and be excited for the joy

of being able to spend a few days

basking in all that is you

I will give myself permission

to relax and be me

knowing it's okay 

and I'll enjoy this excitement

that builds on my way to you